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Mark-Paul Gosselaar – Saved by the Balls!

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Check out this hilarious clip of Ross Mathews filling in for Chelsea Handler on Chelsey Lately. In this clip Ross is chatting with Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Breckin meyer promoting their show Franklin & Bash – when things get a little steamy on the show between Mark and Ross…

Open Relationships: Come one, Come all!

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Gay Guys - Open Relationships in the Gay Community

Open relationships have never been so popular in the gay community. According to Hunter College’s  Center for HIV Educational Studies and Training (CHEST) discovered that most men had physical and mental health benefits from open relationships.

Is it natural for gay men to be monogamous? In the show Big Love, they had multiple “sister” wives and it seemed to work out pretty well for them. But the argument here is the EMOTIONAL connection versus the PHYSICAL connection. If the Mormons can do it, why can’t we?

Most gay couple who are in open relationships are very particular that they don’t get emotionally attached to their extra sexual escapades. Gay couples aren’t the only ones experimenting like this. Straight couple have open relationships too! More often than not, straight couple tend to be “Swingers” instead. Meaning, they will find another couple and have sex with their girlfriend/boyfriend.

What would you do if someone approaches you and says that they want to have sex, but they have a boyfriend? Is it too weird?

For girls, they often poo on the idea. Yet, it seems to be a very understandable thing in the gay community. As guys, we get the fact that our hormones are constantly going millions of miles and hour – too fast to keep up. Our penises are pointing in all directions and it’s hard to say no to a hot guy who obviously wants you.

The thing is, in open relationships, BOTH of you need to be accepting of the idea. Most people will be more down for threesomes than open encounters – this way, it can be a fun experience together, instead of separate. The key here is TRUST.

Monogamy is a beautiful thing , but is is it becoming old fashioned?

Technology has made it so easy to find sex anywhere you go. If your boyfriend is traveling constantly for work, and he’s stuck in a hotel for a few hours. Can you blame him if he gets on Grindr during that time? Would you get jealous? How would you react? The imagination can run astray and can create such a barrier of trust between the relationship – unless it is discussed beforehand. Don’t be jealous!

Whatever you do, if you are considering an open relationship with your boyfriend, you NEED to have communication. If he is not for it, you can’t be surprised. Think of it this way, it means that he loves you so much, he doesn’t want to share you. That’s hot, right?

Here’s what I suggest: Why not do what the straights do? Maybe it could be beneficial finding another couple to have a little fun with – this way all four of you are on the same understanding of emotional boundaries.

Whatever the outcome may be, sex is sex – and having it with someone you love is incredible. Yet, at the same time, we are men!

TELL US WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT OPEN RELATIONSHIPS!

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Marco Rubio: The Anti-Gay Senator

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Gay Guys - Mark Rubio

You would think that being an elected representative, you would want most of the people to like you. The game of politics is playing the fence on both sides in hopes that you can gain votes from either party. Well, this doesn’t seem to be the case for U.S. Senator Marco Rubio, Tea Party Republican of Florida.

Rubio has made it very clear, time and time again, that every piece of legislation that involves the gay community in anyway will never be supported by him – even if it’s something he wrote himself!

The immigration bill in which he co-authored has been going through a bit of rewrites to include same-sex couples. Meaning if you are married to a man from another country, they can become a U.S. citizen – just like any other marriage. Rubio said to Fox News radio,“If this bill has something in it that gives gay couples immigration rights and so forth, it kills the bill. I’m done.”

According to research done by The New Civil Rights Movement, Rubio said at the “Road to Majority” conference, just  hours after he condemned the immigration bill that he didn’t support ENDA as well, saying: “I haven’t read the legislation. By and large I think all Americans should be protected, but I’m not for any special protections based on orientation.”

So… he’s for the rights of Americans, but not gay people? Does that mean he doesn’t think gay people are Americans?

ENDA is the Employment Non-Discrimination Act and it’s not offering special protection, it’s offering equal protection for LGBT people in the workplace. Currently there are 29 states which do not have these laws. Meaning, any LGBT person can be fired, refused to hire, bullied, refused to promote and be oppressed because their LGBT with NO legal consequence.

To put the cherry on top of an already great public service image, Rubio also voted against the reauthorizing of the Violence Against Women Act, whose new additions included LGBT people.

During his election, Rubio has received endorsements from Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council, an incredibly homophobic organization that spews out rhetoric constantly about how gays should not be treated equally. According to Think Progress, Rubio boasted about his endorsements. While on the campaign trail, Rubio recorded robocalls for the National Organization of Marriage urging Americans to deny equal rights to gays and lesbians.”

While Rubio was serving in the Florida House and there were countless of orphans needing to be adopted he refused to allow Same Sex couples to adopt them, saying “Some of these kids are the most disadvantaged in the state. They shouldn’t be forced to be part of a social experiment.” So what they did instead, is allow the kids to sleep in the conference rooms.

So let’s break it down:

Rubio Hates:

1) Gay Marriage

2) Gay Equality in the Workplace

3) Gay Immigration

4) Gay Adoption

5) Gay Boy Scouts (… I’m just assuming, right?)

I think he takes the prize as the most Anti-Gay Senator in Washington. We should make him a plaque.

This was based on research collected by The New Civil Rights Movement

Gay Dads: Happy Father’s Day!

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Gay Guys - Gay Fathers Day LG

Father’s Day is tomorrow and daddies aren’t just asking for gift cards to sports stores anymore! The idea of a father is changing, and it is important that we acknowledge fathers of ALL types this year.

President Obama said, “The measure of a man is not his ability to conceive a child, but the courage he has in raising one.”

Two dads are the best. Not only can they give great advice, but they are also fabulous dressers (the best of both worlds!). Get out your Father’s Day cards and give thanks to our gay fathers. It’s not easy being gay nowadays, much less being a gay parent. In the height of this country’s transgression into a more accepting society towards homosexuals, the gay parents are always going to be in the front line, because to them it’s personal!

Love is all around this time of year – the appreciation for our fathers can never be spoken, instead it must be shown. Do something fabulous this year for Father’s Day, something that makes you feel special. Get away from the rest of the world and go on a family outing.

In a family with two dads, it’s double the Father’s Day fun!

Love your children, love your husband, love your fathers, love yourself.

Mazel Tov!

 

 

Meeting Your Boyfriend’s Parents

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Gay Guys - Meeting Your BFs Parents

The ultimate day in every relationship is when you meet the parents. No one ever knows how it’s going to end – could be bad, could be good – but in the gay community, it is even more complex. Most of the time, your boyfriend will have straight brothers or sisters that have lovers as well. Then here comes the gay couple, invading Thanksgiving dinners and Easter Sundays. How will they deal with it?

First of all, nothing is ever as bad as it seems. Most of the fear that comes with meeting the parents is your own anxiety becoming paranoia. Remember that you are there for a reason. If your boyfriend wasn’t ready, there would never have been this meeting in the first place. This is more about him than you.

Listen to your intuition. This is the most important thing you can do for yourself. A lot of times when we feel something (intuition), before we have an opportunity to act on it, we start rationalizing it (intellect) and then it turns to a smoothie full of over-thinking. Don’t intellectualize small details too much. It will never make things better.

Before you meet the parents, there are many things you need to consider first. Is your boyfriend ready? Is he out to ALL of his family? Is your relationship in a good place? Just to point out, if you are on the flip side of the coin and you’re bringing your boyfriend to meet your parents, you should probably ask yourself these questions too.

When you meet his family, act as if you are already accepted. Entering cautiously is never smart because you cannot predict nor assume their feelings. Even if your boyfriend claims that he is ready, reassure this for your own sake. Remember, this is about him. It’s a big step for anyone to bring their boyfriend home and it needs to be the right time emotionally.

Whatever you do, make sure that this isn’t meant to be a statement. In other words, don’t allow yourself to be a tool for his coming out. If he’s bringing a boy home to make a point, that is a complete lack of respect for his family – is this who you want as a boyfriend? See the signs before you have the meeting, especially if you feel the relationship going somewhere, otherwise you will always be seen as that guy.

If things don’t go well, don’t try to push the situation. Let it happen naturally. Be sure to create a Plan B just in case it doesn’t work out the way you planned. There’s no reason why you should be left at the curb while he fights with his parents. Have an exit route.

A helpful hint while you’re there: if things get awkward, steer the conversation towards him. Talk about you guys met, talk about his faults and make them into funny statements. They want to see how well you know him and the chemistry you guys have. Be aware that they are going to be just as uncomfortable as you are – this will only ease their anxiety because now you both have something similar to talk about.

If things happen to go extremely well, embrace his family and show them your gratitude. Thank them for accepting the relationship and acknowledge that it’s a big step forward for your boyfriend. I understand that meeting the parents can be a terrifying thing, and could seem impossible. Whatever you do, keep your cool and know that they come with the territory.

If your boyfriend loves you, its safe to say that his family will too – it’s in the blood.

How To Help Other People Out Of The Closet, Without Having Them Hate Your Guts

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Gay Guys - Tips on Helping You're Friends Come Out

Okay.. we’ve all had those friends who are still STUCK in the closet. The one thing we have to do is not to blame them. Everyone has their own inner demons that they are trying to overcome. If he feels like he needs to stay in the closet for a while, by all means, don’t be the one to pull him out with chains – instead, help him along with a few little nudges.

Those who have been in the closet for a long period of time experienced those moments when our best friends would say, “It’s okay. Really… you can come out. No one cares…” Obviously everyone reacts a little different to this statement.

TO THE CLOSETED RELIGIOUS ONES:

To the ones who are so cemented by their religious belief, they might react in an angry way. Don’t take offense to this. Remember, they’re still in SUCH a case of denial that even though they know they’re gay, they don’t need to be reminded of it. It can be unbelievably uncomfortable for them since they still feel “guilty” about it. Instead, go about it another way. Don’t ever push the topic. Allow him to feel comfortable first. Take him around environments that are welcome to gay people. I know many guys who have said that the Rocky Horror Picture Shows made them more accepting of the fact that they were a bit different, and it allowed them to find themselves.

Take them to gay bars, if they’re willing to go. Have him hang around your “liberal” friends. Have a movie night. The purpose of all these things is to open him up to himself by showing him that there is a person (You!) that will not judge him for his, so called, sin. Religion is a tough thing to break – the fact is no one ever really breaks it. It’s so cemented in you from a childhood that most people find it nearly impossible to accept themselves. The ONLY way of getting a person like this to come out is by NOT bringing it up nor insinuating the fact that he’s gay, but by convincing him that it’s okay. Let him figure it out for himself – don’t be the asshole stubborn asshole that NEEDS to pull him out of the closet before he’s ready.

TO THE ONE’S WITH HOMOPHOBIC PARENTS

We all want the approval of our parents in some form or another – it is a basic human feeling. When our parents are so clearly homophobic, it can be absolutely devastating and will prevent us from ever showing our true colors. Some gay guys react as a form of rebellion – dressing in crazy get ups on purpose, bringing guys home on purpose, and talking back… on purpose.

However, most guys will do the opposite. They will become much more sheltered and internally insecure, probably in fear that they will be kicked out of the house, disowned, or never see their parents again. Usually there is a reason behind the homophobia – they could be living in a certain area of the country who’s culture lies in tradition and conservatism. Often times, these kinds of closeted gay guys carry it with them – even when they leave the house.

In order to get through to these kinds of gays, you must first get to the root of it. Make sure he KNOWS that he is NOT at home anymore. Talk about your family, encourage your friends to talk about theirs. This will slowly start to give him awareness that his family’s way of thinking is not how the world itself is. He needs to understand his life doesn’t revolve around his parents. It’s not a matter of trying to get him to come out, instead it’s an issue that he needs to discover within himself. No one wants to hear that their parents are assholes from their friends. Let’s face it: it’s a pretty safe bet that they will already know that.

Give him the home that he never had. Allow him the chances to loosen up and get to know the world in which he was caged from. Introduce him to life, and he will slowly introduce himself to the world.

TO THE HOMOPHOBIC GAY MEN

There are men who don’t tend to like gay people themselves. This is usually stemming from some sort of homophobic upbringing. Homophobia is a learned habit, more often than not, there is never going to be a time where he will fully be okay with it in himself, until he learns to LOVE himself.

These are hard nuts to crack. There is so much built up hate that he can have in his heart towards gay people, merely because he has tremendous guilt that he feels this way – and yes, it can often turn violent, both within himself and with the men he hooks up with. This self hatred can turn into a bully-like personality that can tear him a part.

What he needs to do is get away from the “bad influences” he has. Most of the time, they’re friends and family. Typically homophobic closeted gay men are the leaders in anti-gay bullying in high school or as young adults. So what do they do? They try to find as many gay-haters as possible to feed from in hopes that the world won’t notice his gay side. He needs to be taken away from this circle of people, otherwise he never has a chance of registering the truth. One on one time is best. It gives him a chance to open up with no pressure of keeping his cool.

TO THE ONE’S WHO FEAR FOR THEIR IMAGE

It is not uncommon for people to be in jobs where their image is incredibly important. In business especially, they can be very afraid of losing some customers out of their own prejudice towards his lifestyle. For people who work in states that don’t have Anti-Discrimination laws, he can potentially lose his job if he comes out of the closet. This can lead to a whole mess of misfortunes. He’ll never want to go out, he’ll always be anxious, he will always be looking over his shoulder. Because of this fear, being gay is just not an option to him, so he stays in the closet to please society.

For these kinds of men, we need to be sure that when you do go out, it needs to be a place where he’s comfortable. Take him on a much needed vacation (rest him assure that there will be no Facebook tagging) and get him to loosen up. Hiding who you are can be so draining – just imagine how it must be.

One thing you need to do is to not judge him. You are not in his shoes and have no idea the pains and struggles he goes through every day. This is why you need to be sensitive. The most important thing is to not let him get to a point of running around in secret, doing dangerous things in order to keep his image in check. No one should be put in that position. When he feels TRULY comfortable within himself (with your help) he can realize that being gay is not a bad thing – with this new realization, he won’t feel the need to hide any more.

Pride Month Isn’t Over, It’s Just Beginning!

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Gay Guys - Gay Pride Month Isn't Over 2013

This year has seen record-breaking attendances at pride festivals, including over 100,000 people in Tel Aviv – a city who’s mayor proclaims it as “the gayest city in the world.” I beg to differ however, has he seen Providence Town, Rhode Island?
Nonetheless, every gay person seems to have painted the sky rainbow these last two weeks. There’s definitely something in the water supply, pride has never been so proud! Despite the fact that New York had over 30 gay gay bashings this year and the rest of the world still continues to intimidate the queer culture, we have slapped them in the face with our boas and refused to be unnoticed.
Through the shirtless men, the shorty shorts, the sweat-filled bandanas, the temporary spray color, the rainbow-tinted cocktails and the confetti-filled ally ways, there is an underlying message behind Gay Pride festivities. Even though there are governments across the world that may stop the party, they’ll never take away our pride. In the darkest and homophobic of places, we’ve remained courageous. Though protestors have hit us with discriminatory rhetoric (like in France and Russia), we hold our heads high and let them eat the scuff of our shoes – praying that they will one day regret their actions and more often than not, they do.
We’re half way through June, let’s raise our glasses and be proud of the fact that we are still here. Little things will ever get in the way of celebrating individuality. This month needs to be remembered as not only a time of parties, but also for the thousands of gay people before us that have been persecuted in order for us to attain a civilized government. Think of them this month and understand that you are living the dream they knew was coming.
Let Your Colors Shine!

Liberace’s Ex Impressed with Matt Damon’s Bedroom “Performance”

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When TMZ reporters caught up with the Liberace’s ex-lover, Scott Thorson, he wasn’t shy at all telling them what he thought about Matt Damon’s “Performance” in Behind the Candelabra. Check out the video – he’s practically drooling!

So are you anxious to see Matt Damon get his freak on with Michael Douglas? (ok, I was excited until the very end of that sentence)

Using Your Strengths To Attract Guys

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Gay Guys - Use Your Powers to Attract Guys

Everyone wants to be the bell of the ball, or at least the one who takes home his prince. Here’s the thing: no matter how much charm you think you have, there is always room to improve. Casanova, I’m sure, would tell you that wooing a crowd takes more than just confidence. It’s a strategy. Confidence is something you feel and (hopefully) make other people feel, but there are also little things you can do to help make your confidence into something substantial.

Gay night life is an endless competition full of drunk paraders desperate to make the best impression by showing off their torso, and depending on that to get them appreciation from onlookers. However, what will set you a part from them is the fact that you are not trying to show off, instead you bring the crowd to you. This, my friend, is the secret ingredient to discovering the charisma you have to offer the world.

First, you need to figure out your strengths are.

Are you outgoing? well-read? witty? observant? talkative? These strengths should be personality traits, not physical ones. Use these traits as opportunities to set you a apart from everyone else. No one in the entire room will have this strategy, because it is so particular to YOU. Not to mention, it is playing on your genuine traits and not putting on a “front” which is a mistake a lot of people make. When you are pretending to be something you’re not, it shows.

Second, let’s discuss the external.

Once you configure your strengths, you should migrate towards the presentation. If you’re going out to meet people, don’t make the mistake of wearing skimpy clothes. There’s an art to the “skimp” that we all are better off knowing. Depending on what you are looking to do decides the level of “skimp” you should consider….

If you are looking to party and have a good time with friends and maybe take someone home for a one-nighter, then by all means dress as skimpy as you want. However, you’re never going to take someone home if you’re a hot mess in a dirty dress. Even the skimpiest of skimp will not land a guy just based on his body. If the skimp is going to be your thing, make sure you are grounded in it. If you’re flaming around – drunk as a kitten – though you’re hot, chances are people are not going to want to deal with you. Let the body show itself and once you had your limit, maybe have one more and that’s it. This is the state where you’re feeling good, you’re fun, and yet you’re not going over board. Don’t embarrass yourself.

When you are with friends and have no intentions, don’t be closed to the possibility of attracting boys. By wearing something that you love and show off the best you that there is, it can make you much more comfortable when men approach you. In fact, since you are in a comfortable zone and are around people you trust, you will be way more attractive. Nothing is sexier than seeing a man completely in his own element.

Finally, let’s talk about the “game”

Now that we discussed the “outward” things, let’s talk about little hints we can all use when attracting men. The “game” is a made up word used to describe certain strategies and tactics people use and all it does is magnify your strengths, which is why the first step is so important. You should always have a few jokes in your back pocket, this is just a good thing to have in general.

Confidence is key. When you know what you have to offer, it will naturally give you more of an edge because it takes the anxiety away. The trick is for people to notice you from across the room, and the only way to do that is to not try for it. When people are trying to be seen by everyone, although they might get their attention, it is not going to be the good kind. Think about it. When you notice people from across the room, most of the time they are not doing anything particular to cause it.

Also, if you’re not a terribly confident person here are a few tips that may gear you to the right direction:

  • Don’t drink from a straw – I know this might seem dumb, but trust me, this is a minor detail that can send a message to onlookers. Ryan Gosling in Crazy, Stupid, Love said that no man looks good drinking from a straw. He’s right. Try it out. 
  • Take up a lot of space – When people have their own space it can portray confidence and make others listen to them. This can happen by simply leaning back in your seat, laying your blazer across the chairs, or leaning in over the bar. This will get people’s peripheral vision something to be distracted towards.
  • Carry Mints -This might seem like a given, but there are many people that don’t know this rule. The best kind of mints are the Listerene tabs. They are super strong and last much longer, plus they can be smelled from further away.
  • Look directly in someone’s eyes – It’s rare to find people that actually do this. Most of the time, we are on our smart phone or getting distracted by other things in the room. Not only will it make them intrigued, but it forces you to listen and allows onlookers to pay attention too. When someone is in a deep conversation, they are more attractive to watch.

Be yourself! Attracting people to you is easy, yet we make it the hardest thing. Don’t give a time limit for yourself during these things. Men are visual and human beings are intuitive. When we sense a person is confident, they visually are more appealing. Since men are visual, it makes you more attractive. Everything is a result of the other. Start from the inside and work your way out!

Find A Husband For Justin Bieber!

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Gay Guys - Justin Biebers Gay Hubby

Our little Justin Bieber is growing up. Think about it – in a couple years, he’ll be able to buy his own alcohol – gasp! He’s finally growing from Lesbian Chic to Gangsta Twink – Hollywood can certainly change a person, can’t it? Still, is it just me or does he seem to get even more cuter and cuddlier the older he gets?

Personally I liked the “Bieber Hair.” That is until every 14-year old boy in America had it, then it just became creepy. Nonetheless, we at GayGuys.com can’t imagine what the NOW SINGLE Justin Bieberber is going to do with his free time. Perhaps he should take a dip in the Gay Pool for a change, maybe he’ll make more gay fans – as if he didn’t have enough already.

Bieber has a new look! With this look, he should give his gay fans a “fantasy husband” so we’ve compiled some of the greatest matches in Hollywood that have the best hubby potential for our little Biebs.

Gay Guys - Zac Efron
ZAC EFRON

He’s hottie with a Type A personality AND he’s a singer! Can you just imagine the cute song and dance shows they will put on with their family? They could be the next Von Trap Family singers, only gay. Though Efron is about seven years older than our Biebs, he survived Hollywood as a young star and has made out the other end pretty successfully. There’s a lot of lessons Efron could teach him, they’ll never get bored. Since they both look pretty similar, they will make very attractive offspring – PLUS they can totally come out with a duets album. Anyone else smelling a Christmas single?

Gay Guys - Frank Ocean - Sm

FRANK OCEAN

This would be the creative power couple of the century! Not only do they both write their own music, but they’ve collaborated before so they obviously work together well since Ocean had written songs for Justin back when he was a fetus. To top it all off, Mr. Ocean has some heavy courage and wisdom to share. It’s not every day you see an R&B African American singer come out of the closet. THAT takes some balls! Frank and Justin also have a little bit of the same swagger, which can be pretty hott – their dinner conversations would be pretty interesting.

Gay Guys - Boy George

BOY GEORGE

Okay, before you make any judgments – hear us out! Think about it, it’s the perfect Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby relationship. Boy George is rich, well connected, throws lavish parties, they can have an open relationship – it’s the perfect match! Plus, with his edgy attitude, he might be able to loosen Justin Bieber up a bit and take him out of the Hollywood scene. With all the posh English blokes Boy George is sure to introduce Bieber too, he will become a gay icon in no time. Not only will Justin be able to create an older fan base, but he might have a chance at birthing an English baby! I wonder who it would call “Mummy” first…

Gay Guys - James Franco

JAMES FRANCO

Give it up guys, Franco is way too “intellectual” for this type of match. However, I believe there is something here that we all might be missing. Justin is super Christian and is a little tied down by his religion. Well, James Franco’s religion is education and has been quite tied down with it in recent years as well – going to UCLA, Harvard, NYU, Columbia, and Yale – the guy won’t stop! They can have some really balanced conversation late at night after a little hanky-panky. Bieber will talk about religion, and Franco will talk about science – they can learn from each other! Not to mention, Franco is a super talented actor while the Biebs is a great singer. Their son is going to be a Superhero – with Franco’s smile and Bieber’s hair. Adorbs!

Gay guys Rick Martin SM

RICKY MARTIN

Although Martin is happily married, it is still a perfect match in my eyes. What can be hotter than mixing Canada and Puerto Rico? Martin can do what every Puerto Rican does at their High School prom: teach the skinny white boy how to dance Salsa. Also, the Biebs can bring Ricky up to date on the latest trends since he seems to think that audiences are still in love with his La Vida Loca Hip Moves – Evita, anyone? Still, Justin can teach him how to use his smart phone to tell him just exactly what “ROFL” means. Not to mention, their babies would be the most well-dressed babies in Hollywood – they would need to make a Baby Section in Versace.

So Tell Us, Who Would YOU Like to See Justin Bieber Married Too?

(and Biebs, if you’re reading this, its just your gay fans having some fun 🙂 )

 

 

Lady Gaga Makes It “Cool” To Be Different

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Gay Guys - Lady GaGa - Little Monsters LG

When Lady Gaga burst on the scene, America was going through a major change. Through this change, birthed a brand new (and sequined) pop star that veered the trajectory of young minds in the entire country. It is the duty of such an icon to promote wellness and positive thinking among their fans, and no other artist has made a message so clear – one of individuality and self awareness which seems to reflect onto her fans.

She isn’t the first to make her mark by making herself a visual representation of people who are different. Barbra Streisand and Madonna had set major milestones before her by showing the world that you don’t need to be beautiful to be accepted.

Stefani Germanotta (aka Gaga) knew from an early childhood that she was destined for something big. Not only did she answer the call, but she did it in high-inch stilettos. The purpose of her outfits are more than just to shock. They’re to create a vessel in which other people might look at their lives and feel that they aren’t so different after all, because here is a girl who is so lavishly over the top (even weird, at times) and yet carries it so proudly. In a way, she’s a martyr. Setting the foundation for everyone who feels on the inside how she looks on the outside – and God, it’s beautiful.

Since “Born This Way” was released in 2011, it has now become not just a standard, but a part of American lingo. “Born this way” means that you are aware of who you are, you’re not apologizing for it, and know that you shouldn’t have too – why? Because you were born this way.

Gaga’s influence has reigned supreme for the last five years. No matter where this woman goes, she will never stop representing people who refuse to conform to an oppressive society. The lesson she will always teach us is to not give up loving yourself. It’s because of her that young people today tend to have much more respect for the underdog.

I will always be a Little Monster.

Where Can I Find Gay-Friendly Churches?

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Gay Guys - Finding Gay Friendly Churches
It is a fact that gays exist everywhere, including the church community. For those of us raised in the church, the lessons we are taught usually stay with us for the rest of our lives. It is important for us to maintain, yet it is difficult when religious organizations exclude us from such practices. There is no reason we should make this discriminatory circumstance affect our desire to go to church.

Whether you believe in God or not, community is important. Even though the church has not always been a friend of the gays, they have always delivered amazing community opportunities for people within their reach. To have support from similar thinkers to discuss, share and reflect on issues is important for our development. A lot of us want to involve our children, but don’t seem to have a good source for it.

Since the gays have been entering conversations in church lately, many religious institutions are opening their doors for gay members. Although a lot of them are still on the fence as far as salvation goes, they still believe that gay people should not be turned away. The numbers to these churches are growing slowly, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

GayChurch.org is a great place to visit if you are considering going back to church. It is a directory of churches in the United States and the world that freely let gays become members and refuse to let political stereotypes of religious radicals interrupt their mission of spreading love.

Don’t let your past interfere with moving forward. There will be a day in the near future when being gay doesn’t mean a thing. It will be as different as being left handed. Till then, it is important to go where you are welcome. Nothing will make you feel worse about yourself than going into a place where you know they don’t want you. Why should you do that to yourself?

Gay-friendly churches are everywhere – more than you think. They’re the ones when you are driving down the road, you see a rainbow sticker or something similar in front. This means they allow all LGBT people to attend and members welcome them. Since gays and religious folk do not have the best relationship, members of both teams usually want to meet at a happy medium and love to discuss it.

 

 

Don’t Be Afraid of Relationships

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Gay Guys - Don't Be Afraid of Relationships - Single Gay Community

We all want to live that life of romance: riding in the carriage with your boyfriend under the stars, playing footsie under the table at the restaurant, holding hands while you’re walking home, and cuddling while you’re watching the latest episode of Project Runway. All these fantasies can be so overwhelming that when we don’t have it, we think that something is wrong. Most people will be quick to try and “fix it” that they’ll settle for the first person who gives them any attention. Then at last, all will be right with the world because now they have a boyfriend!

Why are people so desperate to have a relationship?

In the gay community especially, having a boyfriend can be healing. We now have someone that cares for us, someone who sees us for who we are with no judgments. It’s like our past is beginning to repair itself. The security of having a boyfriend can certainly be priceless. According to Psychologists, the feeling of “I’m not in this alone” can form the line between depression and contentment. After all, the pressures are a lot less and the rewards are a lot more which can lead to a happier disposition.

We’ve all met those people who are too scared to have a boyfriend and when asked why, they usually respond with a prideful answer. “Who needs one!” or “I don’t have the patience!” or “I get bored too easily!” You will be surprised to find out that in recent Psychological studies, a lot of people who stay single subconsciously feel that they don’t DESERVE to have a boyfriend. Maybe this is why Oprah said, “You need to complete yourself first, before you allow another person in your life.”

We’ve seen evidence of this in people who are serial daters – not being able to keep a man for longer than three weeks at a time. In most cases, these people don’t feel like they deserve the love of another, even while they have it! This leads to a distorted connection between the two and it will always end eventually.

I just want to say, there is nothing wrong with being single. Having another person in your life to account for can be quite task full. However, everyone one is human and the way our bodies work make needing a boyfriend much more demanding. When two people touch, electric pulses instantly give us feelings of comfort and in some cases, an addictive high to replace our anxiety. This touch-therapy is often used in Special Ed classes.

The touching thing can only lead to so much. Now having a relationship means much more than ridding your anxiety, in fact it can cause more of it. Social media has created a new spawn of jealous boyfriends who want to know where you are at all times. Financial situations lead to many fights during bill payments. Cell phones can limit personal space. A 21st century-model boyfriend is no joke.

Now that gay marriage has passed, gay guys everywhere are feeling the pressure to find their future husband. Since we can actually be married now, has it created a more intense dating environment? Have we become way too picky for our own good?

Dating is supposed to be the time where we decide what we like and don’t like. Eventually, through our own experiences, we can find the perfect man since now we know which qualities to look for. But we will never reach that point if we don’t put ourselves out there.

A single person who fears rejection from potential lovers is only acting in response to how they feel inside. The world is a different place now, and the past is the past. No one should be scared to receive love from others – just as long as you have love to give back, and you won’t have enough love if you don’t supply it for yourself.

HIV/AIDS & Post Survival Guilt

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Gay Guys - HIV Guilt

“Survivors Guilt” has now been redefined as a symptom of PTSD. No different from military soldiers coming back from war, holocaust survivors, natural disaster survivors, car/plane crash survivors and survivors of traumatic events such as rape.

The symptoms of survivor’s guilt have been in much debate. The psychological effects of an epidemic such as AIDS has been linked to depression, paranoia, anxiety, and substance abuse. It is different from normal grieving in that the sufferer links their grief to themselves, and not to the deceased. They often have feelings of wanting to take the other’s place, thinking irrationally like they were to blame for their death(s), and live to punish themselves by dwelling on their own suffering.

The first generation of AIDS survivors who lived through this time have now become isolated in shadows. “Why them, and not me?” is a question repeatedly played in their spirits like an old record. Some take this feeling of guilt with them to their suicide. The aftermath of such an epidemic will never leave entirely. We lost an entire audience and the people who are left have nothing but memories. The HIV negative community AND the HIV positive community from the 80s and 90s suffer the same hell in which they live with daily. It is an enormous issue that hasn’t been talked about on a broad scale.

Since the AIDS epidemic hit America in the early 80s, gay men have become an unwilling representative of the disease. In the time when it was at it’s height, it became like the black plague of the middle ages. People were scared to kiss you on your cheek; they were timid to drink from the same cup as you; and in some cases, the phone calls became less and less till it was as if you disappeared from the earth. It was social isolation, and the count down to death became visible in the back of your mind.

Today, though the height of deaths have decreased, HIV and AIDS is still an epidemic:

  • Gay and bisexual men are the most severely affected people.
  • Every 9 and a half seconds someone in the United States is infected with HIV.
  • Over 1 million people in the U.S are living with HIV.
  • 1 in 5 people of these infected people DON’T KNOW that their infected.
  • 620,000 people have died since AIDS was first reported in 1981.

… this study was done just two years ago.

In such an event like the AIDS crisis where the death scale was tremendous, there is bound to be some self-blame among the survivors. Watching your partner lay dying in a hospital gown, while you live your life – healthy and unaffected – will eventually bring resentment on yourself. This is why a common form of rebellion is to abuse drugs.

What drugs do is give the sufferer contentment. Harming their bodies somehow makes them feel closer to the deceased, and may even ease their guilt for a few minutes. Self punishment is a way to create a false sense of peace about the situation, like you’re repaying a debt that you owe to death. You surpassed it, you broke the rules of mother nature. You were supposed to die, but didn’t. Instead you’re going to bring death to you…

Someone suffering from guilt will quickly affect their circle of friends. Over protection, paranoia, mistrusting, and pathological lying are also common symptoms. These traits will quickly cause more loneliness as it slowly pushes everyone out of their lives, leaving them to mourn more loss.

According to Psychologists, survivor’s guilt can be treated when the sufferer realizes that they’re suffering. They must understand that they were the victims of misfortune, and NOT the instigators of it.  They are dealing with internal wounds that are only preventing them from living their lives now.

Joining groups and helping with HIV prevention organizations have proven to be an excellent self-esteem booster for HIV PTSD sufferers. Seeing a bigger picture and understanding that this loss can somehow do good may bring peace. It usually replaces the habit of self loathing with the need to help other’s and can be reflected back to their healing.

If you are suffering from post survival guilt, visit Poz.com. They offer exclusive resources and information that you can use to help get you through the aftermath. They also provide information on centers near your city which have group therapies. It doesn’t help to keep all your pain hidden.

FIND THE PEACE

My Gay Parents…

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Gay Guys - Love Your Gay Parents

If it weren’t for the love of my parents, I don’t know where I would be. The trajectory of life doesn’t change based on who your parents are or what they do or what they look like, but in the amount of love they give.

A loving home is the greatest gift a person can receive. The encouragement one can attain in a same sex parenting situation is astronomical. The problem isn’t that they are different or that they have less to offer. Instead, the dilemma lies in society. The utter judgment we feel as gay people cannot even compare to those of gay parents who deal with it on a daily basis.

The constant worry about their children being picked on or the school rejecting their child’s admission or the neighbors “gaze” over the separating fence all divides their family from the rest of the world in a segregated mind-storm that’s based on the idea that somehow they aren’t as good of parents as a “normal” family is.

Let me tell you something – it is HARD to be a parent. It is HARD to be gay in this world. Your parents didn’t choose to be gay, but they chose to be parents; not because they had too – but because they loved you…

The sacrifice a parent makes is unlike anything you can ever imagine. Not until you become one yourself will you finally understand. To put it in words: The “parental sacrifice” is the willingness to put everything you had planned in your life on hold. All the dreams, all the goals. In essence, you have become their new dream. You are the luckiest person in the world.

You are not a product of your parents, nor were they a product of theirs. Just because they’re gay doesn’t mean that you are. Having gay parents has nothing to do with your sexuality, no matter what people may tell you in school. The next time anyone says that to you, brush it off and laugh because you know they’re wrong – and always will be.

Be grateful that you have a supportive family. Others may not be so lucky, even your closest friends. Just because your friends are in a “heterosexual” family unit, does NOT mean that their family is normal by any means. In fact, NOBODY’s family is normal because everyone’s family is different. Some have one child, some have two, others can have 12! Some may have one mom, some could have one dad, and others might have two moms or two dads. So what!

There is no reason to apologize for your parents. In today’s world, it might even make you cooler since it is something to brag about. Your family is unique. This is your chance to change the minds of the world. By leading by example and showing your community that the stigma they have in their heads is nothing but their own imagination, you are causing tremendous change for future children who have gay parents. The future starts with you.

Talk to your parents, let them know that you love them and wouldn’t want them to change for anything. Trust me, they feel the same for you. There is nothing that they wouldn’t do to protect you – shouldn’t you offer the same in return?

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