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13 Ways To Know If You’re Truly In Love


13 ways to know you're truly in love

Many gay guys like to chase the fantasy of love. For most of us, we jump the gun and exaggerate our feelings in an effort to match our imagination. People who’ve experience it know there’s no faking when it comes to genuine L-O-V-E.

Love crosses all orientations, races, and genders, but for gay guys in particular it’s a matter of separating our hearts from our crotches. You know when it’s in the air and 99.9% of the time it’s told through your intuition – not your intellect. There are so many flags that point towards love, but I’ve managed to find thirteen of the BEST. So let’s look at the signs:

#1) You Literally Can’t Imagine A Future Without Him

One of the biggest differences between like and love is doubt. Doubting your future together is a sure fire way of knowing that you may not be in love with him. When you’re starting a new chapter, you won’t be able to picture without him. Suddenly, a new job, a new place, growing old has a collaborative affair, not so much a question mark.

Gay Guys & Their Expectations of Sex

gay guys expectation gay sex dating

gay guys expectation gay sex dating

Is Sex a Must with Gay Guys?

I hadn’t thought of it much before, but damn it, gay guys seem to always have one thing on their mind – and it’s not fashion week. Asking a guy to “wait” before having sex on the first or second date is like asking the sky to rain Oreos. It’s become one of the only ways to break the ice early in the relationship; we seldom question it but when push comes to shove, can leaping in the sack too soon affect our well-being?

The expectations of sex are there, unspoken, in an invisible rulebook. No gay man can say they’re “dating” without giving hints that they’re “having sex” – in the gay community you don’t even need to be dating to have it. Perhaps we’re spoiled in that way; the bad thing about being spoiled in sex is that it eventually bleeds into other aspects of life that might have been better otherwise.

It’s always interesting when you’re talking to single straight people about their dating lives. Both of us have striking similarities of course, but there are also huge differences. Most of the dates I’ve gone on, it took tremendous strength resisting the urge to have sex. You try to take advice from friends who tell you to “wait,” but the years of being able to have casual sex at the drop of a hat makes us believe that sex is supposed to come without work. It’s the non-negotiable cherry on top of any date we go on and it’s always expected.

Sex is the baseline of our culture, whether you think so or not. It’s always going to be the building block of how we judge others because, frankly, that’s what our society has turned into. We’re victims of a marketing campaign gone wrong – sex sells (and did), but now, sex does so much more. It creates, builds, and more so, sets the standard of how we view ourselves – when we have more sex, we feel more valuable.

Here’s the ironic part: if there’s one thing we want more than sex, it’s to have an emotional connection with another man without the sex. Obviously both of these seem to cancel each other out – it’s a cycle that is built to fail. How, then, can we continue down a healthy path when we’re forcing ourselves to fight against the current?

Do Gay Guys Have Expectations When it Comes to Sex?

I’m not saying that having sex on the first, second, or third date is a bad thing. Hell, like I said, at this point it’s a ritual. But it takes a strong and mature man to continue the emotional journey after being in an extremely vulnerable state. It’s true that we’re animals and sex is in our DNA; it’s true that humans are one of the only species on the planet who have sex for pleasure; it’s true that two men with penises are prone to have sex on their minds before anything else, but that being said, are these expectations clouding our judgment?

When something is expected, we become disappointed when it’s not delivered. We go home sad, confused, and often think it’s our fault: “He didn’t want me” or “I wasn’t aggressive enough” or “I knew I shouldn’t have said that stupid joke about cherry seeds… bad move.” The thing is, though, we’d be saying the exact same thing even if we did get lucky. He waits a couple days to call us back, and suddenly: “What a jerk. I slept with him and now he’s totally ignoring me” or “I gave him my best moves. God, why am I so desperate” or “He probably thinks all I wanted was sex and now he’s not into me anymore.”

I say, leave the expectations behind you. Sex happens, but sex also doesn’t happen. The more expectations we put on it welcomes more assumptions on how it ought to be. That’s not the kind of pressure you want early on. Expectations are a byproduct of past behavior. Start new habits and you’ll quickly notice a change in your expectations – it’s how the universe works.



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Can More Kissing Bring Better Sex?


gay men kissing sex

It might surprise you to find out that human beings are the only animal on earth that kiss, at least in the passionate form of way. Chimps and bonobos kiss, but they are nowhere near where we are in terms of how it stimulates our nerves and brain. As a single gay guy, I have to say, kissing is one of my favorite pastimes. It’s safe, harmless for the most part, and often creates a good idea of where our compatibility lies. But does it have the potential of leading to more sex?

There are plenty of guys who steer away from kissing because it tends to lead to hooking up. I used to dismiss their claim, blaming it on a lack of willpower, but after doing some research, I might be changing my tune. Can more kissing bring better sex? I say, absolutely! Here’s why:

  • In your lips, there are 100 times more nerve endings than in your fingertips. Kissing before, during, and after sex will be arousing and welcome more satisfaction in the overall experience.
  • Kissing releases endorphins, which can help with depression and increase the likely chance of connecting with the source (i.e. your man). Nearly 17.5 million Americans deal with depression; so if more kissing can help you deal with your sorrow, why not invest? More happiness equals better sex!
  • It’s a form of expression. According to Gina Cloud, created of GinaCology, there are more than 30 kinds of kisses in the Kama Sutra. Kissing is such an important way of expressing ourselves, and the many different ways we can do it bring it into the realm of creative. With so many ways to kiss and express ourselves through it, fun becomes part of the experience, and fun is a great tool for happiness!
  • Kissing increases adrenaline, which causes your heart rate to run wild. This can reduce the feelings of pain, while lowering cortisol levels, which helps decrease stress.
  • Kissing is both a taste test and smell test all in one. Not about the breath or saliva necessarily, but the person’s DNA, which can give us incredible benefits. Research from the journal Medical Hypotheses showed that we build up immunity against cytomegalovirus by kissing infected partners. In another study performed at Wilkes University, participants who had sex once or twice a week also had higher levels of the infection-fighting antibody immunoglobulin A.
  • Better relationships. It’s not that kissing helps with sex, but because it’s a great DNA scanner, it helps us choose the right partners. Our body subconsciously shares information about the other’s immune system. Biologically, human beings are attracted to partners with different immune system genes. Though most scientists point it towards attracting healthier offspring, our biological compatibility knows no gender. Our DNA speaks a thousand words.

Kissing isn’t an instinctive action, but a learned one. The more we do it, the better we get at it. At least we’re supposed to. The better we get at it, the more persuasive we can be at getting what we want from our man. When our partners feel like we want them, not only will they feel much more attractive but they’ll try and fulfill our own desires.

Kissing is crucial to love, sex, and relationships. We can deliver various messages depending on how fast, how smooth, how distant we are during our sessions. More kissing can definitely bring about more sex, but more importantly, it enhances the bond that creates more attraction. Use it wisely, and don’t be afraid of a little smooch.


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Is The New Generation Of Gay Guys Turning Against Each Other?


are gay guys their own worst enemies

There comes a time in all our lives when we need to stop listening to ourselves think, and start hearing ourselves speak. Too many times we say things we regret, and more often than not we fail to learn from it. Gay guys in general have had a history of coming together when the going got tough, but now that times are getting better, are we starting to turn against each other?

It’s clear our community is one that is prone to judgment, both outside and in. Above everyone else, we can be our worst enemy. With all the potential we have at moving towards a tolerant future, the more we bring each other down the more we stunt the progress.

I remember when I first started my coming-out journey, a scared 19-year old Texan with a preconceived notion of what it meant to be a gay American. I arrived in Los Angeles with wide eyes and high hopes. All the things I had seen in movies and television allowed me to set the bar high, but I was quickly faced with the truth. The dog-eat-dog world that was the “scene” not only shunned me away, but also prevented me from learning more about my culture – a culture that was nonexistent all my life.

Just when I thought I had made a mistake leaving my homophobic town, a group of gay men befriended me. They took me under their wing and showed me how to be proud of who I was. As they nurtured my young mind with knowledge and love, it was then I learned the most valuable lesson of my life. We’re all in this together.

The LGBT community has quickly become much more tolerant in America, but what about with each other? While our tolerance has grown outside the community, inside, we’ve seemingly become more judgmental. It’s not just in the “scene,” but also in the workplace and everywhere else in our daily lives. Each gay guy has a similar life experience – one that only other gay guys understand. If we truly want to show the world what we stand for and where our truth lies, we must come together and rise above misconceptions and adversities.

For the younger generation who is having trouble finding their pride because they’re too busy paying attention to what the world tells them they are, it’s up to us to become the voice of reason. If it weren’t for the group of gay men that brought me out of my shell, who knows where I would be today? Paying it forward is an act every gay guy must do for each other. No one truly understands how brave it is to walk in our shoes, out and proud, except us.

It’s time to let go of inner prejudice facing a lot of us today, it’s time to lend a helping hand to all who seek it, and it’s time to not be afraid to ask for guidance. We all can help each other, so let’s just do it. All it takes is a willingness to understand that we all exist in the same world. Here, and now.


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10 Reasons You Should Be Trilled To Be Gay & Single


great about being gay and single

Being single is taking on a new meaning in the 21st century. More and more gay guys are embracing the idea of walking their own path, and more often than not it requires years of self-fulfillment. Boyfriend-free! Trust me when I say it’s a blessing in disguise.

The right man is around the corner, but in the meantime you must make yourself available to the opportunities waiting to be grasped. If you don’t get them now, you might never will so you better pay attention. Forget about the lovesick ideas and start realizing how awesome it is to be single. Here are a few reminders:

#1) Guys will tell you you’re sexy because you are, not because they have to. Not that it’s a boyfriend’s responsibility to remind you how sexy you are every day, but after a few years any person would feel encouraged to remind their man how handsome they are, even if it’s exaggerated. I personally feel the sexiest when I’m single because when a person compliments me, it’s because he feels inspired to do so. This acts as a springboard towards better self-perception, which in turn creates a healthy attitude towards life.

Should Parents Educate Their Gay Children About Sex?


parents educating kids on gay sex

When I was younger, I saw very few gay couples on TV. The first time I did, I asked my mom about it who responded with: “They are boys who like boys, instead of girls.” Being a child and knowing nothing about gay sex, I asked her how two boys made a baby. “They can’t,” she said. I was relieved.

I remember being in the fifth grade and Ms. Perkins forced us to watch the infamous sex education video. It taught us about how babies were born, where we could expect new hair to grow, and most importantly, why we should start wearing deodorant (there are many guys who’ve failed to learn that lesson, still) By the time we were in seventh grade, we knew everything about sex, but people like me, who were starting to feel signs of homosexuality, were forced to figure ourselves out through other means.

Children are curious. Studies have shown that by the time they reach the age of five, the majority of their personality is already structured. When they’re left with nothing but questions, they literally have no choice but to get answers through peers – we all know how well that ends up. I’m not condoning a Sex-Ed class for pre-schoolers, but at what age is it appropriate to make kids aware of gay sex and how to do it safely?

I learned about gay sex the way most of my friends did: by watching gay porn. While it validated my assumptions (the rubber thing goes on his thing, which then goes in the other dude’s place), it missed the mark when it came to an overall education of how it was supposed to play out. All we knew is that dudes couldn’t get pregnant, so why bother digging deeper than that?

STDs are everywhere, not just in the gay community, so why shouldn’t it be part of the discussion in high schools? When sex is discussed in the classroom, the only kind of penetration a part of most curriculum is vaginal. The anus is a totally different place with different rules and elasticity. I think it deserves to be as part of the conversation as anything else, although I’m sure most teenage girls are starting to raise their hand to ask about it.

I grew up in a time and place where homosexuality wasn’t discussed, except when you saw it on television. Gay men in my neighborhood had to learn through trial, error, and the occasional Google search. We still learned, but many guys I’ve spoken with have wished there was an authority figure to reach out for in school. Perhaps sex in their adolescence would have been more about connecting rather than learning, experimenting, or promiscuity.

I could be speaking over exaggerating it and perhaps I am, but now that acceptance of LGBT people is rising tremendously, I think we ought to raise the bar in how we educate our children about our communities – including sexual education. I’m not sure what the solution can be, but I’m eager to see it put into practice sooner rather than later. While straight sex is spoken about on a regular basis, it might be nice to include the closeted gay teenagers who are forced to learn about their bodies through Google searches. Am I wrong?


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How to Impress a Guy When You’re Tipsy or Drunk


gay guys drunk not blow it

If there is one person who knows how to be a good drunk flirt, it’s me honey. Lord knows the number of men I’ve wooed over the years with a few cocktails in my system. Over the years, however, I made it a duty to remind myself of what worked and what didn’t – thankfully I decided to share my secrets with all of you.

You might think that alcohol is liquid confidence. In many ways it is, but it also can be your biggest weakness – bringing out your deepest insecurities and unleashing them for the world to see. Trust me, the next time you’re tipsy at a party and you see a hottie in the corner, follow this criteria:

#1) Think before you speak.

Drunk 101. The thing about being tipsy is it’s not just your body that’s relaxed, but your mind as well. This makes you impulsive, wanting to say the first thing you observe or think. While you might think what you’re saying is creative and interesting, you’re probably talking out of your ass most of the time. When you feel the need to speak, trust me, think long and hard about what you’re saying. You don’t need to live in your head all night (that would be torturous). Consider it feeling your thoughts rather than expressing them willly nilly – you’ll be more confident in the end.

Don’t Judge Me Because I’m NOT A Slut…


don't judge me because i'm not a slut - gay guys

Everyone deserves a right to WAIT

I’ve been there, done that with the hookup thing. Believe me I had my share of fun but the more years I invested in sex, the more boring it all became.

It was ritualistic and habitual—tied to nothing but a need to get off. It was great for a while, but something clicked. I realized sex is always going to be sex, but connection is different every single time. I decided from there on out to wait until I think I’m ready.

Call me what you will, I’ve heard them all: “Prude,” “Tease,” “Blue-baller.” It’s crazy to think that some gay guys take offense to my own personal choice of waiting. It’s not like I have a purity ring or anything. It’s not crazy to wait for the third or fourth date before hooking up, yet many of the guys I’m with refuse to humor the idea.

Maybe I’m choosing the wrong guys. If I am then good understanding guys are in very short supply, at least from where I’m standing.

“Prude” is such a disgusting word and it’s thrown around too carelessly nowadays. If we all take a minute to think about what it actually means, it’s really unfair: it’s derogatory and aimed to make a person feel bad because they wouldn’t have sex with you.

Guys prude shame all the time, whether he’s gay or straight. Sometimes our penis is stronger than our character and sadly it has the ability to take over logic. When a guy says “no,” he doesn’t mean yes. When you’re making out with someone, that doesn’t give you permission to do everything.

Just because we’re gay doesn’t mean we all want to have sex with you at a moments notice. I’m not the kind of person to drop everything (all my plans, promises) for a twenty-minute thrill I could have gotten at home on my laptop.

Prude shaming exists in the community and it’s just as dangerous as slut shaming because it demeans a person’s wellbeing. They’ve decided to live their life the way they want—what business is it of yours? It’s judgment. Judge, judge, judge—all kinds of shame is linked by judgment.

It’s never an easy thing to say no when the vast majority of single gay guys expect in the back of their mind to speed things along. But is it because it’s what they want or because our culture has demanded it from us?

Whether I decide to wait or decide to have sex, it’s nobody’s business but mine. And if the guy I’m with has an issue with it he’s clearly not for me.

Connection, above all else, can happen anywhere and any way. I’ve met plenty of guys I’ve connected with deeply after having sex before knowing their name. But at this point in my life, I’m deciding to do what’s best for me: wait.

It’s important to let people do what they want to do without social pressure. It’s 2015. If we can’t be free to decide for ourselves than what good are we?

Waiting until you’re ready doesn’t mean you’re a prude nor does it mean you’re scared or afraid or crazy. It means you take pride and dignity with sex and aren’t willing to give it away for free. Other guys may have a different perspective on it, and that’s fine. The most important opinion is yours.


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Attn Gay Guys: Please Stop Fighting With Your Boyfriend in Public


Gay Guys please stop fighting in public

Enough already!

Second-hand embarrassment is the worst, especially when you’ve been in that person’s situation before.

As a single gay guy living in a big city it’s a daily occurrence watching couples argue over mediocre things—lunch specials, past exes, baby names. While much of it can be used as materials for articles such as this, I can’t help but wonder why (or how) they assume I (or we) can’t hear.

Yes, I’m judging you. When I hear you rant about something stupid to your boyfriend on the subway, I’m not thinking “Wow. Poor guy.” I’m probably wondering why the hell you decided to duke it out in public rather than a text like a sensible millennial should.

I had a boyfriend who, physically, was perfect in my eyes—tall, dark hair, built gym body, east coast-type. He loved to argue (and I mean loved), but it was never private. He insisted on bringing up things or throwing tiny stings in front of friends or strangers.

At first I thought it was because he enjoyed back-and-forth dialogue as a way to remind himself that I was “his.” In other words, he wanted to me to chase him around saying I was sorry so he’d feel validated. But it was none of that.

The truth was he picked fights with me because that’s the only way he knew how to show love. His family taught him that, so naturally he became a byproduct.

Is this an excuse? Hell no, but it is a piece of advice.

If you didn’t like the way your parents spoke to each other growing up, don’t bring it to your relationship. Your man is not the person to throw shade at on a crowded subway stalled for minutes on end.

None of us want to see it; and whatever you do, don’t try to get our sympathy. We’re not rooting for you. We’re actually wondering why you chose now.

I speak from experience.

Dating a man who loves to argue in public is doing you no good. He isn’t trying to show love, he’s actually being an asshole. The more excuses you make the better off you will be moving forward. Trust me.

Trying to rationalize it will only make it worse. Stop doing it.

At the end of the day you’re making yourself more and more weak as time goes on. While your relationship will always be exciting or thrilling or full of surprises the more you argue and nitpick, it’s also creating resentment beneath the infrastructure. Let it go before you sink each other.


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The Problem With Gay Cliques


gay cliches

I used to believe I was only as strong as my friends were. In high school, I surrounded myself with people I knew would get me into places – parties, bars, secret lunches. Being with a strong group made me feel stronger, but it seems like everyone today is sort of confused by what strong actually means.

The gay community is filled with cliques, just as it is in other communities. I know I’ve had the same close friends for a long, long time, and it’s only recently I’ve allowed myself to receive the companionship of others. Nowadays, friends come with an unwritten contract – be loyal to me and I’ll be loyal to you. But in today’s world, everyone wants to feel like the life of the party. And in order to do that, we have to migrate from clique to clique, sometimes leaving our oldest friends feeling neglected.

The high school mentality never leaves, no matter how many times we proclaim it does. It’s a survival instinct. Humans learned that in order to ensure our existence, we must associate ourselves with strong leaders. When we’re “in” with a seemingly better clique, we’re rest assured everything will be okay. It’s a constant cycle of self-hypnosis.

But the thing is, we’ve already survived. The human species (you know, the branch of life in which we’re apart of) has withstood the tests of time. But the disposition still reigns supreme inside us. We must survive, survive, survive. Always, trying to survive. It doesn’t matter how many times our instincts tell us to try and one-up, associate ourselves with what’s popular or throw people under the bus for our own benefit, we’ve won the biggest lottery the universe has to offer: LIFE. That says something.

We can’t keep focusing all our thoughts towards maintaining an image fueled by others. Close friends are extremely important, but what makes mine more valuable than yours? What made the popular kids in high school so important? Why are we so anxious to be a part of these groups? Why do we feel sad when we’re not included in their antics? It’s a basic human trait to yearn for the things we think we need because we assume we’re “less than” without it. Trust me, these things should be LAST on our list.

Focus on doing what’s right rather than what’s popular. Listen to what your heart tells you before listening to the opinions of others. Be true to yourself and own it without being infected by other people’s ideas. If you don’t know who you are and what you stand for, how, then, can you be confident enough to offer the world anything?

Cliques aren’t bad things necessarily, but they promote the idea of separation. We unconsciously want to be a part of groups we think will get us ahead in reputation, but the truth of the matter is it’s the ones who make their own paths that eventually become leaders. It’s a human instinct to follow – the world will never be lacking followers, believe me. What separates the regular from the divine is the ability to lead, and in order to do that, you mustn’t define yourself by a clique or a group. You must sense where you need to go, and march to it.

Everyone wants to be liked, but more importantly, everyone wants their lives to mean something. You, yes you, have a reason for being here. You don’t need to try and survive anymore – you’re here! Alive and breathing. What needs to happen now is a search for a reason – a way to make your time on earth meaningful to others.

Don’t be separated from each other, because we all happen to be here at the same time and same place – that’s no accident. All we have is each other, and it’s because of community humanity survived in the first place. It’s also the only way for us to thrive in what we’ve accomplished. Together.


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10 Types of Gay Guys You Don’t Want to Lose Your Anal Virginity To


type of guy you don't want to lose your virginity to

To this generation of gay guys, losing your anal virginity is a big deal (don’t ask me why). I get the draw, though. Bottoming requires a psychological wall to break down. As children, we’re trained to be a man – and penetration is totally a “woman” thing, right? It’s tough to break that weight of comparison down as we get older, so we wait till we’re ready. But this is 2015, honey, and if you’re not putting the grind to work, you’re missing out on some serious pleasure.

Choosing the guy you’re going to lose it to might affect your entire perception on what bottoming is. If your first time is bad, you’re going to associate future experiences with it. I’ve known people who never gave it a second chance because their experience was too traumatic. Well, to save you time, here are some of the guys you should never EVER let into your cherry:

#1) The Idiot

Attractiveness is super hot. It doesn’t matter if your body might be slamming, if you are a total idiot in and out of the bed, the whole experience isn’t going to be as compassionate as it should. He needs to be gentle and sincere. An idiot is going to make you feel like you need to babysit him.

Is Sex Better When You’re High?


is sex better when you're high

One puff, two puffs, three puffs… YASS!

What is it about marijuana that makes everything interesting? You see the intentions of people, the fabulousness in the air as you feel it brush beneath your arms, the complexities of food as you taste it in every bite – it heightens your senses to the point where you feel like you truly “get” what it’s all about. Having sex while you’re high on pot is pretty much the same idea, and believe it or not, it’s supported by scientific studies.

In ancient texts and medicine, marijuana has been cited as an aphrodisiac. Dr. Lester Grinspoon, Harvard professor known as the grandfather of modern medicinal cannabis research has said: “I believe there are three broad categories of usefulness for this remarkably nontoxic drug. Two of them are quite available, namely, recreation and medicine. But there’s a third category, the capacity to enhance a variety of human experiences. There’s one that comes to everybody: the capacity to turn an ordinary dish into an extraordinary culinary experience. And the second is sexual experience.”

Marijuana makes your body feel great, with the proper amount of course. The CB1 receptor improves tactile sensations and general euphoria, which ultimately effects sexual arousal. High sex takes you out of your head and, in fact, conjoins your intellect (the brain) with your intuition (your emotional state) in beautiful ways. Two men who love each other and choose to have sex while high might actually be creating a mental bookmark inside their brains – one that keeps them attached to each other unconsciously.

It’s hard for some people to grasp that there are multiple strains of marijuana, which matters greatly in how your body experiences it. The balance of THC and other chemicals in each strain will alter the results. Our bodies react differently to all kinds of combinations. Finding one that works for you will ultimately bring out the best in your experience, should you so choose to have it.

Drunk sex isn’t the same as having high sex – believe me I know. Not only are they completely different feelings for the most part, but pot relaxes aspects in your body that alcohol doesn’t, making it more erotic to feel your man’s strong hands on your skin. When you smoke with your boyfriend before having sex, it has the potential to remind yourself of the intention behind it rather than the goal of simply getting off.

Marijuana also changes your experience with time. It makes things seemingly move slower than it actually does, which can make you interpret a 15-second orgasm as 45-seconds long. That doesn’t mean you won’t also have lazy sex if you smoke too much. Trust me, that ain’t pretty – my ex used to get so high sometimes having sex with him was like having sex with a couch.

Our country views weed as a drug only used by hippies and is often the first step in “experimenting” with other dangerous drugs. While it might be true in some cases, for the most part marijuana is merely a victim to the media’s labeling game. We hear someone smokes weed, we instantly categorize them as lazy or trashy or stoners or unproductive. As someone who’s traveled around the world to places like Amsterdam (where pot is legal), I can tell you that this is a typical American prototype we’ve invented – no different than the stereotype gay men face every day. Pot is another way to relax after a long day of work, or a way to socialize with friends at a party or out and about. Like a glass of wine, its only purpose is to enhance your experience.

For gay guys, having a bit of pot before sex can be fantastic. I’m not here to try and convince you by any means, but at some point in life, you have to ask yourself “What am I so afraid of?” Maybe it’s my own personality (I’ll do anything once), but I can never trust someone else’s word other than my own when it comes to sexual experimentation. As far as having sex while you’re high on pot, the scariest thing you have to fear is that you’ll like it way too much.


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Can Bareback Sex Bring You & Your Boyfriend Closer Together?



does bareback sex bring you closer o your boyfriend

As a man who’s been in a relationship with another man for some time now, I’m not ashamed to say that barebacking is a part of our sex life. Of course it took some time to get used to the idea. Society constantly implants images in our heads about the consequences of barebacking, i.e. contracting dangerous STDs like HIV, but for couples who practice monogamy, are tested frequently, and take all necessary precaution, can barebacking be a symbol of intimacy?

According to the CDC, the rate of new infections (50,000 people a year) has remained stable. Gay and bisexual men are over three-quarters of new infections among men and two-thirds of overall infections, including to women. In one of their recent surveys, the CDC also has shown that bareback sex continues to rise – despite the stable number of HIV infections.

Today’s single gay male seems to give a blind eye to the “HIV problem,” and the LGBT community is well aware. It’s hard to walk into any gay bar without seeing free condoms in a bowl somewhere. Usually when you leave for the evening, you find that it just as full as it was when you arrived.

Many single gay and bisexual men fail to see the consequences of bareback sex. A recent poll made that clear when it showed that 46.4% of them who have used hookup apps admit to having bareback sex – 73% of them claimed it was out of an act of impulse.

That being said, when you enter a relationship it can be hard to forget these statistics. But when you have a long term boyfriend, the rules of sex are bound to change. Typically, you’d delete your Grindr account (if you had one) and stop searching for promiscuous sex because, now, “you’ve found a man.” Everything is different. The intimacy, the connection, the love, they all turn sex into an act of expression rather than an act of release.

But still, there’s no escaping the stigma it has in relation to HIV. Personally, I know couples who have been together for years and are still afraid of having unprotected sex, despite the fact that they’re both HIV-negative. In my opinion, not only does this show that they’re clearly unaware of how HIV is transmitted, but it’s also a sign of distrust. If you’re confident your partner isn’t fooling around on the side, why would there be a fear of barebacking?

The idea of bareback sex still frightens the living daylights out of many paranoid gay folk, even though the majority admit to doing it. When it comes to a relationship, the one ingredient holding its infrastructure together is trust. When two men love each other and want to have unprotected sex over and over again – monogamously – the emotional connection between them is bound to tighten. When there’s little fear, there’s vulnerability; and hiding behind vulnerability is intimacy. In order to reach it, one must be willing to allow trust into their peripheral.

Looking at the percentages, polls and figures, it’s normal to get a little psyched out about unprotected sex. Taking off the rubber requires a great deal of honesty and trust. In the digital age especially, it’s easy to be untrusting of your man when he tells you he hasn’t barebacked any guys before, or even during, your time together. That’s why the importance of getting tested is crucial for ALL gay relationships. Go in together, sit down together, get tested together, and ease your mind of the whole thing. Trust me, bareback sex (free of fear) can be the most beautiful thing you will share with your partner.


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