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Why You Need to Become the Man of Your Own Dreams

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become man of your own dreams

You’ll never be able to date anyone else if you can’t date yourself first.

Our dreams seem to be on an invisible axis, tilting to and fro until they land in a place closest to our hearts. Sometimes we force it; other times we’re afraid it’ll land somewhere dark so we’ll try and spin forever.

No one is truly “ready” to love—what does it mean anyway? Too many times I hear gay guys talk about holding out for the man of their dreams: a prince in shining armor who sweeps us off our feet.

But here’s the thing most of us fail to see. The man we dream of, the image we’ve had in our heads of the perfect man, perfect partner, perfect friend, perfect lover (all of it) is actually YOU.

That’s why we’re so comfortable with our dream men: because it contains real qualities we hold in ourselves. The dream guy is who we really are in our best moments. He’s the man we want to be with, the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with—so why do we find it easy to run away when we he becomes real?

My mother used to say you’ll never be able to date anyone else if you can’t date yourself first. Sometimes we spend too much time fantasizing about love that we forget to love ourselves.

The man of your dreams is real and he’s more than just a guy to date and have sex with. He’s the reflection of how we feel inside; so if you truly want to meet your dream guy, you need to become him first.

It’s easier than you think. We’re always going to attract someone similar to our lifestyles, moral values and interests. Too many of us change ourselves in order to attract the kind of man we want, but when you do this you’re not welcoming authenticity in your life. You’re actually creating holes.

Loving yourself is always a priority, but being yourself is something you need to intuitively find—and the best way to do that is by looking at your “dream man.” He’s the real you.

When we become the man of our dreams we undoubtedly welcome opportunities for the other man of our dreams to see us. The best parts of our personality will be highlighted and exposed, leaving a path for the world to see us at our best light.

It’s time to stop trying to be something you’re not.

You want to meet the man of your dreams? Be him first. The man you’ve always wanted to date will find you when you’re aligned in your true selves. That’s the secret to finding your soul mate.

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How to Make Gay Sex Mean Something, Again

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gay guys make sex mean something again
It’s easy get caught up in the sex scene, honey. I remember when I first downloaded Grindr—I was hooked on my phone for months. I’m not gonna have a high brow… I was addicted to it. But there comes a time when we all have to know when to log off permanently.

Sex can easily become routine when you’re a single gay dude trying to mingle. We get so used to having it whenever we want that we slowly lose sight of what it means. We forget what connection is like.

If you want to make sex mean something again, the first thing you need to do is to stop treating it like online shopping. That’s right—delete Grindr, delete Tinder, delete Scruff, and only search Craigslist when you’re looking for used furniture.

Get back to basics.

Remember what sex was like when we were young teenage virgins? There was something mysterious about it—sometimes scary. As someone who grew up in the church, I remember fantasizing about naked bodies (including mine) rubbing, humping, and sliding down another man’s. Christian guilt followed afterwards of course, but the fantasy was real.

Try and tap into what sex used to be in your head when you were a virgin.

I’ve always believed that sex is a reaction—an effect. In other words, something needs to happen before: a feeling, a moment, a connection etc. Too often gay guys think sex should happen first before anything else.

Sex needs to be a response of the mind, not the body.

Brain sex has always been the best kind of sex, especially when you love a smart ass man (like I do). A great body is good too, don’t get me wrong, but you see great bodies on porn all the time. This has convinced us that only people with six packs and “dumb jock” type of personalities deserve our penis. They don’t.

Get to know a man’s name before you check out his body. It’s hard I know (we can’t help it). Guys are visual creatures and we’ve learned not to make it so obvious when we’re undressing people with our eyes, but when you’re gay and attracted to men (who are also attracted to men), there seems to be no use pretending.

In our culture, sex is connected to everything we do. It bleeds into how we treat each other, how we perceive ourselves, sometimes even what we offer to the world. The minute we unplug our habit of sex association is the moment we’ll start seeing souls rather than penis sizes.

Men are always going to be thinking of sex—that’s just how we’re made. But in this day and age it’s easy to desensitize yourself. At the end of the day it all has to do with habit. We can change our habits when we change our routine. It’s not rocket science.

Becoming desensitized with sex has nothing to do with promiscuity and everything to do with where we’ve placed our emotions. Some guys can have all the sex they want and still leave a bit of room in their hearts for that special someone when they come along—other man might not have that luxury. If you’re someone who finds it difficult to separate the two, perhaps it might be time to start from scratch.

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What’s the Problem if People Assume You’re Gay?

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guys gay pride

We’ve brainwashed ourselves into thinking we need to act a certain way in order to be taken seriously.

As a teenager I was constantly in a state of panic. I didn’t want people to figure out I was gay, so I tried my hardest to hide. I hid from my parents, my friends, my teachers, my classmates, and myself. But it didn’t matter—they noticed anyway.

When I was in high school, it was: “Are you gay?” As I got older it became, “You’re gay right?” Now it’s, “Oh, I just assumed…” I’ve given off a gay vibe all my life despite my effort of trying to be unidentifiable. And I’m not the only gay guy who does.

Why is there such a problem with people assuming we’re gay?

Why can’t we be who we are? Why can’t we be what we are? Why do the terms “masculinity” and “straight-acting” need to be in the back of our minds 24 hours a day?

We’ve brainwashed ourselves into thinking we need to act a certain way in order to be taken seriously. Since we were kids society has shoved ideas in our heads about what it means to be a man—it’s a leadership role that comes with certain obligations. We need to chop our own wood, take care of our families, be the breadwinners, pack leader etc. Being gay is a chink in the armor, so we feel pressure to compensate.

But underneath our noses we’ve become the victims of our own success.

For decades LGBT people wanted to simply be accepted by the world. Now that society has embraced us into their lives more openly, it seems like we paid a larger price: have we chosen to hide, to conform, and not to make waves in order for the world to accept us?

We’re told to “man up.” This is when masculinity becomes valuable—the more we have the more attractive we are, and the more people will take us seriously.

Those who don’t want to be targeted will always feel pressure to hide. We might not be sent to jail or denied a driver’s license or denied a hospital visit, but in today’s world discrimination isn’t so obvious: it’s a glance, a look, a silent treatment reminiscent of our teenage years, and we’ll do anything to keep ourselves from living it again.

Masculinity has become more than just a social quality. It’s a safeguard, a mask we use to keep ourselves ambiguous. Even more so it’s a trait we find highly admirable in the gay hookup world because it’s safer.

The idea of what a man is has been implanted in our brains, and we desperately want to be associated with it. It means we haven’t been emasculated, and in a deeper way it sends a message to the world that we’re still a man.

But the thing is we’re always going to be men, we’ll always be manly and we’re never going to not be masculine. That’s our biology—it’s always going to be this way.

If you are offended when people assume you’re gay, you ought to ask yourself why. What kind of insecurities are you still holding onto? Why does it make you so uncomfortable? Do you hate being gay or do you hate the stereotype?

Whatever the case maybe, the most important part of life is knowing who you are—minus the gay, male, even human thing. Find your voice, find your heart and connect your spirit with the fire inside yourself. Whether it comes across as masculine or feminine doesn’t matter. Do it boldly. Be proud of the person you are.

Screw everyone else.

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10 Things your BF Pretends to Hate but Actually Loves

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gay guys boyfriend

Sometimes boyfriends love to test their man’s patience, right? But be honest, we kinda love it. Though he’s rolling his eyes, we can’t help but see that smile on his face. In all the moments that make him laugh, here are some things that he secretly loves (perhaps more than you think he does):

#1) When you get sassy.

I’ve heard that being too sassy for your own good is a bad thing, but trust me, when it appears once in a blue moon your man actually secretly loves it. Being a bitch is one thing; but when the claws come out for good reason it’s a sight to see (and hear).

Now is the Time to Say Goodbye to Your Ex’s Ghost

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gay guys ex boyfriends ghost

By the time you realize what you lost I will be found.

You’ve become a virus. Memories and habits return against my will and before I know it, I’m back where I used to be with you—lost, desperate, illogically at odds with what might be.

I thought we’d have it all together, but it’s not how life turned out. I’ve lived with your ghost for a while. Some days are better than others but most times I find myself trying to remember how you smelled, the way you touched me, things you whispered in my ear the last night we were together when everything was perfect.

It wasn’t a lie, but seasons change and so do feelings.

There came a time I had to let it go but life enjoys testing me every so often. I’ll never know when I’m truly over you until they happen—sometimes I pass but other times the tests pull me into a puddle of remorse. They’re constant reminders that I’m still hurting.

I want desperately to hold you again, for you to hold me, to kiss you and for you to kiss me back. I tell myself it’s possible, that one day you’ll return to me. But this has been the very thing that’s held me down.

I’m learning more about myself now than I ever did while we were together. Looking back, I question your motives—red flags were apparent. But love didn’t exactly create a barrier between us; on the contrary, it brought us so closer that all the barriers disappeared. It was me, you, and the world; we controlled it all.

I’ve been down this road before—refusing to let you go until it becomes toxic. While I feel foolish for letting myself come back, letting you go is the only option I have for me to find some kind of future. I’m not sure how you’re dealing with it all. You probably aren’t nearly as affected by it as I am, but that’s okay. My hope is by the time you realize what you lost I will be found.

Letting you go is the only option.

In order to welcome what’s to be I have to mourn what was. Every tear I’ve shed was another brick on a pathway to peace—the foundation is set and all I need to do is make a choice: to back peddle or sprint ahead.

The unknown is scary for everyone. There are only questions and insecurity but when you face it knowing who you are regardless of self-made fears, everything becomes insignificant. And who I am no longer includes you.

Bravery is stemmed from taking chances in spite of whatever fear you might have. I’ve been scared of changing because I’ve built my life and future around you. The image of us together used to be so clear but things happen, which distort it until it’s no longer visible. Instead of trying to remember what it looked like I will build a new image—one that can never distort because it’s framed around myself.

The most important thing anyone who’s rebuilding their life can do is to focus on the type of person you want to be.

It has nothing to do with a man, a job or anything else. It involves you and only you, therefor it will never change until you decide it does.

Saying goodbye must require another direction to move towards. It needs movement, progress, and that progress ought to be with you—not another man. Use this time to find your voice and you will then find strength; perhaps strength you never knew you had.

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I Will Never Fall Out of Love with Love

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gay guys falling in love

Love never dies because it’s what we’re made from.

Standing at the edge of heartache is overwhelming. You know you’re close to falling—all the dreams, memories and emotions crumble like grains of sand between your toes, and the wishes your heart makes disappear into something unfamiliar.

You wonder if anyone else will be able to spark the same kind of feeling. After a while you give up hope until it happens again, unexpectedly. That’s when you realize the truth: love never went away, it was always there.

All my life I’ve been an adamant observer of people, judging the way things are and planning for the way they ought to be. I guess you can say I wear my heart on my sleeve, often forgiving people too soon or investing too much of myself. But after years of falling in and out of love I recently decided to stop searching altogether—to relinquish control of finding love, and instead be love.

Heartache is an infection blinding us from our true identity, which is love.

I fall in love every single day with friends, strangers, words, food, or myself. I sit in it. I relish in it because it’s what I’m made from—what we’re all made from. It’s the baseline of human logic to need it and we’re attracted to those who have it in full supply.

But sadly the world defines love as something different. It’s a package deal: if no one loves in return, how can one be “in love”? We view it as half of a whole—truly I don’t know anything about love if I’m single and have had my heartbroken twice. Who am I to talk about love with my kind of track record—I can’t keep a boyfriend and I’m always getting heartbroken. What do I know?

Love is something every person thinks they know more about, and we all have a different interpretation based on experience. One bad breakup and we’re left to assume that love only causes pain. Trust me, it doesn’t.

The world we live in is constantly trying to keep us away from love. We’re too focused on finances, debt, friend drama, body image, and all the other crap that have nothing to do with a legacy we’ll ultimately leave. We think we want what the media says we want, but deep down it never satisfies us because it isn’t the truth.

Love is an emotion that starts in truth. None of the things we’re bred to think of as love—money, power, glory, objects—are fueled with authenticity. They’re mind games made to build an artificial self-worth. The more we have, the more valuable we become. The less we have, the less valuable we are to the world; therefor we are unworthy. It’s all a lie.

Hatred is taught out of fear because we’re too afraid to tap into the power of love—nothing is greater. It’s what keeps our universe moving. It’s been the fuel for human passion since the beginning of time. It gives us a reason to survive, a purpose, a destiny. It allows us to see ahead into the future and dream, without which we might not have accomplished some of our greatest milestones.

We’re never judged by what the world thinks of us, but by how much love we ourselves bring to others.

I may have been heartbroken in the past, but I’ve lived long enough to know that love always welcomes more love—we recognize it when we see it. As we carry it inside us, it transfers peace and calm to everyone we meet.

Love always wins. We know it does. Call me naïve or say that I’ve been “Disneyfied,” but I’d rather spend my life knowing there’s good in everyone. At the end of the day we are only as strong as we are loved. That’s the truth.

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How to Get Over BJ Anxiety

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gay guys bj anxiety

A friend of mine told me there is no such thing as “bad gay sex.” At first I didn’t know what he meant; later I realized he’s kind of half right.

If the guy gets off, does that mean it was good sex? Probably not—all it means is that you finished it. In all my years of having sex it’s never the penetration, the kissing, the rubbing or the humping that gave me anxiety (all that is mutually similar). It’s oral sex.

In my opinion bad sex is still going to be okay sex because it’s sex, but a bad blowjob? That’s something you’ll remember most. It can take you away from a moment real quick. It will have you pretending that it feels “so good” when really it feels like a wet poke. I talk from experience here.

I have to admit, it’s hard finding a gay guy with blowjob anxiety—not because we’re great at it, but because we think we’re great at it. I can’t tell you how many guys I’ve hooked up who claimed to be amazing at oral sex only to find out they were as boring as a bump on a pickle.

To fix blowjob anxiety you need to get to the root of the problem.

The problem is you want him to think you’re amazing. Trust me, honey, the second you stop trying to make it about him is the moment you realize you’re actually a god at blowing—you will know because he’ll make you aware: “Ooos” and “Ahhhs” and “Oh my gods” amuck.

You need to make it about you. You might think it’s selfish, but trust me, a lot of the pleasure he feels will be satisfaction knowing that you love doing it. When you get too technical about it or go half-ass, he’s going to think you’re not into it; that’s all he’ll be thinking about.

Be a porn star in your own head. Yes I get turned on knowing that my man loves it, yes I get turned on that a penis is in my mouth, but most of all I get turned on because I feel like God. I own what I do while I’m doing it—every curve, every stroke, every sensual rub. I fell like a porn star and it turns me on. As a result, I make him feel like a prize.

Giving a BJ isn’t something to be scared of. If you hate doing it because of the way it smells, feels, tastes etc. that’s not anxiety, honey. That’s something you need to tell your man about. At that point it’s not something you can control, and believe me when I say it’s nothing to be worried about.

Don’t be afraid to tell your man what he can change if it’s something that limits the experience. I’ve dated guys who thought it was okay for me to go down on them after they went to the gym—don’t get me wrong, there are lots of guys who enjoy the smell of a man after a long work out but I’m not one of them. At first I put up with it, but the BJs weren’t nearly as good as they could have been.

I had to sit him down one night to tell him, “Look. I love you, but I’m not giving you BJs anymore until you take a shower. Sorry.” You know what he did? He took a damn shower.

My point is BJ anxiety might have a lot to do with your fear of pleasing, but sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes your associations with it are tied with things your man can easily help.

At the end of the day I understand your plight, honey. We all want to be great at giving a BJ, but when push comes to shove we’re only scared because we want him to have a good time. What about you, baby? What about you?

Give a blowjob because you want to give a blowjob. You’re going to be as bad as you think you are in your head. Don’t judge yourself—look at a penis like a popsicle. It’s not dangerous. It candy, it’s yours, you own it. Get out of your head.

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Why Gay Guys Should be Picky When Searching For Love

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gay guys looking for love

We’re not asking for the world–just a man who will better our world.

At the end of the day, being “too picky” is a polite way of saying you’re a liar. You say you want love and that you’re searching for it, but no one is ever going to satisfy you—love is tied to an artificial string. You push them away because deep down you don’t really want to love; you want someone to love you.

In this Grindr-obsessed society, we are holding ourselves back from finding true love. It’s not like we aren’t ready to have it; social approval is how we define ourselves so we’ve placed our standards to an unreachable peak. Some gay guys take it way too far, but a healthy perspective on what to be picky about can go a long way.

We’ve taught ourselves to nitpick our food, judge our friends, and label each other that we don’t know how to see passed what we want into a man’s true character. Being picky isn’t a bad thing when it involves ambitions and goals in life that are non-negotiable, but being unrealistic about them is; and perfection just isn’t realistic.

No one can depend on perfection—it’s fantasy, a farce. Deep down every one knows what they want, and chances are it’s not some knight in shining armor. We like imperfection whether we think we do or not. It gives us something to relate to, it ties our bonds as humans, and it allows another person a chance to turn our imperfections into strengths—this is when it’s time to get picky:

Knowing the kind of life you want will enhance your ability to spot personal chemistry.

It’s okay to be picky when it comes to goals and ambitions. Ignore your friends who give you shit: “You refuse to date him because he’s still living with his parents/working a low paying job/partying till five in the morning?” Look them dead in the eye and say, “Yes. He’s 35-years old for Christ’s sake.”

Chemistry doesn’t lie in sexual aspects alone, but also in beliefs, morals, and aspirations you both share—family, religion, location, career, retirement, personal space. When you have these things in common you become more compatible as a couple, which creates a bigger window to relish in the chemistry. Don’t be afraid to be picky if a man holds you back from living the type of life you want. Shaping yourself or sacrificing your dreams is the greatest form of self-betrayal.

If you don’t know the types of personalities that pull you down, you’ll never be able to protect yourself from them.

It’s okay to be picky when it comes to personality—a sour one can be incredibly destructive. You know because you’ve been there, done that. He reminds you of someone that made you feel like shit, so don’t feel bad for prejudging a future together. This is your survival instinct swinging into full gear.

When we’ve been scarred one too many times by the same “type” of man it’s only a matter of time before we see the pattern, and it will continue unless we stop it. If you don’t mesh well with each other, how the hell are you going to survive? You won’t. It’s okay to be turned off by a man with a similar energy as your ex, or an ex-coworker you hated. Don’t close yourself off to them, but pay attention to your gut.

A man who is unwilling to share himself is never going to change.

It’s okay to be picky when it comes to emotional availability. When he isn’t opening himself up to you, you’re not going to create a life together. It’s okay to dismiss men who are work-obsessed, too guarded, or care too much about what people think.

One of the most important qualities in a happy relationship is the feeling of desire. We need our partner to want us, otherwise we feel invaluable. If he doesn’t show up or makes us feel like he really wants us to be there, we will be absent in the whole process.

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How to Smile When the World Seems Sad

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gay guys life sad

Sometimes the world seems to stop spinning. The laughter, joy and everything in between filters away to leave only darkness; and no matter how happy you think you are there always seems to be a gravitational pull towards the ground.

It’s easy to throw in the towel—decide to give up trying to be nice to people because if you can’t be content, why should they? We forget that while we might be sad, there is always a choice to be made.

Sadness happens—it’s true. Life isn’t always going to be cherry pie. It’s okay to be sad. Today it seems like everyone tries to push it away; we deny it exists because we view it as a sign of weakness. When a person is sad, no one wants to be around them. So we fake it.

We pretend to be happy because we want friends, we want to leave a good impression, we want to be professional at being human. But the truth of the matter is we’re all human—we see right through it.

At the end of the day it’s not we who are the targets.

Happiness is easy to find because it’s a choice, but joy… joy is something innate. The root of it comes from how you perceive the world and, especially, yourself.

What is it that enslaves you? What invisible force pulls you down into a spiraling tunnel of questions and doubt? Who is it? Why is it?

The only person who can solve these questions is you. You are the only one who knows your battles—no one else. To depend on the help of others for joy is selfish because in order to do so you need to steal a bit of their joy. You need to build your own, which is simpler than you think.

Look around you. Depending on whatever thoughts are running around in your head, you might see peace or you might see conflict. The thoughts are seeds planted by you based on habit. Habits aren’t always going to be right, but it’s never too late to change them.

It starts as a smile. No one can find joy without finding a reason to smile. In spite of what’s happening in the world or in your home, a smile is the crack in which joy can be let in. Without one, our brain doesn’t know how to translate.

The truth of the matter is where there’s sadness there is also joy, for when you have one thing it’s only natural to assume there is an opposite—dark/light, up/down, hot/cold. But nothing is forever.

Sadness, anxiety, obsession is all short-term. Nothing is ever going to worry you forever because eventually you learn it’s not as bad as you thought. But in order to learn we must first have the courage to pay the time. During so, a smile might be our only way to sense a direction of where we can find the joy. So do it.

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Documentary Exposes Anti-Gay Priests Having Online Gay Sex

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documentary exposes anti-gay priests online sex

The Catholic Church has seen its fair share of controversy. Everyone likes to deny it, but the overwhelming evidence has proven it wrong consistently.

It’s been understood for some time now that the ranks of Catholic leaders are filled with gay men who opted for priesthood due to difficulties dealing with their sexuality, henceforth pressuring them to take a job where they’re supposed to be celibate and receive salvation from their sinful urges.

Not all priests live up to their ideas, in fact, many of them use the cloak as armor to hide their true selves.

A new documentary called “Amores Santos” (“Sacred Loves”) is bringing their stories to light in a compassionate way.

The film, directed by Dener Giovanini, is set in Argentina around a handsome young actor chatting to gay priests from around the world who want to engage in virtual sex. The actor attracted nearly 150 priests from 30 different countries.

After over 500 hours of explicit chats, “Amores Santos” pieces together uncomfortable truths about priesthood and being in the closet as told by the men themselves.

The movie is set to release in January. Take a peek:

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Stop Talking About Yourselves So Much

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gay guys stop talking about yourselves

As much as I’d like to say I don’t talk about myself, I know I’d be lying. We all do. After all, speaking highly of ourselves is the only way to convince us that we’re right.

It might come as a surprise to some of you who read my articles, but I’m not usually this direct. In fact I’d classify myself as a man with little courage to speak his mind out of fear it might hurt someone else’s feelings—some call it niceness, but in this day and age niceness is associated with weakness, and the only way we combat weakness is with false confidence: “Keeping up appearances” my friend likes to call it.

There’s an ongoing show we like to put on—a role we desperately want the world to view us as: leader, funny man, popular, social butterfly, happy go lucky, having our sh*t together. But at some point the show becomes transparent. At some point the curtain peels open to reveal our true selves—what then?

Who is the person beneath the layers of exaggeration?

As humans, we’re desperate to be part of a pack. It’s in our DNA to have an urge to survive; animal instincts tell us that in order to survive we need to be popular, well liked, and associated with powerful groups. A defense mechanism appears to push us towards these currents.

We all know the kinds of people who enjoy (I mean really enjoy) talking about others behind their backs. It’s like an addiction—no matter the situation there is always an opportunity to roll their eyes, speak negatively or backstab someone then pressure you to do the same. Stand back and listen for a sec…

You’ll see that in most cases it’s an attempt to shed light off of their own insecurity. People like this love talking about others because it’s another second the world isn’t talking about them. But even more so they love to manipulate our thoughts to maneuver them into believing they’re something they’re not.

As someone who doesn’t enjoy talking about people behind their backs, I feel pressure to talk about myself constantly because it’s a major way to convince myself everything is okay. I don’t know it at the time, however, but nearly every time I leave a conversation I tell myself, “Wow. You talked about nothing but yourself.” Why?

The truth is when you know how valuable you are, there is no need to talk about yourself all the time. There are no layers of masks—what you see is what you get.

There is so much pressure to treat our lives like a used car, and we the salesman. I can’t help but wonder how many gay guys out there are selling us a lie. Do they really know so-and-so person? Are they truly as happy as their Instagram photos? It all seems to be a show.

We don’t need to sell a mock up version of us. It’s interesting what happens when we stop talking about ourselves and start acting like ourselves: an authentic wave of positivity lifts us higher to a new insight, an awareness that becomes infectious.

You don’t need to talk highly of yourself to get people to like you. Instead, be the person you want to be through action, compassion and love. Then the world will do the talking for you.

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gay guys setting up with your friend

I’m single and I don’t mind the help, trust me, but it seems like every five seconds I’m being set up on a dream blind date by friends: “I want you to be with my other gay friend. You guys would make such a cute couple!” “Oh my god, I have the perfect guy for you…” I’ve heard it more times than I can count.

Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s really sweet you want to put a Patty Stinger face on to try and play matchmaker, but at the end of the day there are answers most of us need to have—believe me, we’ve been there done that. If you want to grab my attention, try answering these questions first:

“What are his best qualities?”

It was your idea in the first place to try and set us up, not mine. Mind you, I know you’re going to say nothing but positive things because he’s your friend, I get it, so before you start telling all about how much you want us together you need to answer the why. Not to sound cocky, but I need to know why he’s worth my time.

10 Questions You Want to Ask Yourself About Gay Sex

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gay guys know about gay sex

Every night, numerous guys have man-on-man sex for the first time. Sometimes it’s amazing, other times it’s not, but one thing is always for sure: there are way too many questions.

Before I had sex for the first time I was a nervous wreck, mostly because I didn’t know what to expect. I knew how porn stars did it—that was enough for me. It took a few tries to know what I was good at it, but it took years to know how to bring my A-game. We all had burning questions at one point. Luckily for you I come supplied with answers, honey:

#1) Is it going to hurt?

Not gonna lie. For most of you it is going to hurt because you don’t know how to do it. You see, your tubing is shaped differently from anyone else—we all have an “S” shape starting at the entrance of our bums, but our curves are all different. The trick is letting a man enter inside you as snuggly as possible without hitting the round about curve. All it takes is a bit of positioning to find an appropriate fit.

Dryness is another reason why it could be painful. Lube is an obvious the only solution for this, so be sure you have a lot of it.

Another big reason for pain is tension. When you’re nervous your body is going to tense up. When a man is inside you, it’s a moment in time where you need to truly let it all go and surrender. Relax yourself—it’s not as big a deal as you’re making it. I recommend buying a dildo and trying it out on yourself first. You won’t be worried about pleasing someone else so you’ll by much more relaxed. Read more about how to pain free anal sex here.

When the Man You Think You’re Dating Finds Someone Else

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man your dating meets another man

Rejection is something none of us want to deal with, but what happens when it’s the “dream” that’s rejected? When the man you’ve admired finds another guy and seems to be happy (at least from Facebook photos), is it bad to think of it as a breakup?

I admit it. This article is totally about me.

There’s a guy I’ve been seeing in the city. We met at a bar and had a solid connection—after buying him a slice of pizza we ended up keeping in touch for months afterwards. We went on a few dates and really got to like each other, but business kept taking me in and out of town.

We kept in touch of course, often speaking about how much we liked each other and couldn’t wait till I got back in the city; but this week I found out he has a new boyfriend… Did I miss an opportunity? Was I hesitant to push things forward? Am I thinking too hard about it? Taking it too personal?

The truth is this kind of thing happens all the time in the gay dating world. Why? Do gay guys lack courage taking commitment to the next step? Do we purposely delay love because we’re scared of it?

Look, I’m over it (truly I am), but my situation got me thinking about how many guys have been down this road before. It’s not every day you make a great connection with someone, but more often than not we’re scared to jump on it. Again, why?

I’ve had many crushes in my life. Some of them more intense than others, but as I’ve gotten older the word “crush” seems so juvenile. Guys in their late-twenties don’t have crushes—they have lovers. So when the man you’ve been talking to for months and gone on several dates with gets a boyfriend, is it safe to say you were cheated on?

The rules of dating are blurred. Personally I believe when you’re dating you ought to date more than one person at a time—until it’s official at least. You shouldn’t invest yourself in one person when both of you know you want to mingle.

But when is the moment you have the talk: the conversation where you both say, “Yes. It’s official. I want you. No one else, so… let’s be boyfriend-boyfriend?”

We’re left to assume he feels the same way about us. At the same time, our culture pressures us to find multiple suitors—some of my friends date four or five guys at the same time until the duds filter away. While I support seeing what’s out there, when you find true connection what more do you need?

The fact is you’re never someone’s boyfriend until you make it official. Dating has no rules, but what it does have is investment. We give so much of ourselves to a guy we think we have a future with because all we’re thinking about is the dream rather than focusing on what is being built.

I don’t blame him for finding someone else. I wasn’t in the city long enough to build something substantial with him, but at the same time I was foolish to believe that he’d wait for me. Dreaming isn’t a bad thing, but it can be dangerous.

We all date hoping to find love, and it starts with infatuation. It’s okay to be infatuated by a man while you’re going on dates with him, but should we be devastated if he ends up finding someone else when we never truly made it official in the first place?

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Gay Man Seeks to Marry His Adopted Son – Here’s Why:

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gay man wants to marry adopted son - gay news

Nino Esposito and Drew Bosee have been together for 45 years. They met at a Pittsburg church on Easter in 1970, but at the time same sex marriage wasn’t valid. In fact it was something they never thought would happen.

They never thought marriage equality would come to their state, so in order to have some kind of legitimacy and protection as a family, Esposito decided to adopt Bosee (ten years his junior). Now that same sex marriage has passed, they’re trying to get their state to annul the adoption, but it’s proving more difficult than anticipated.

Same sex marriage became legal in Pennsylvania in 2014. The couple have petitioned Allegheny County Judge Lawrence O’Toole, who refused to grant them an adoption annulment saying that the state wouldn’t allow it—a decision that brought their case all the way to the Superior Court, which will begin oral arguments in December.

It’s unclear how common gay adult adoptions are, but Esposito and Bosee have said they know of another couple who tried to work the system like they did—the couple they speak of had their adoption annulled quick and easy.

“We knew from day one we would be together forever,” Bosee said to People. “I can’t say why we felt that way.”

Their finances and properties were equally shared throughout their 45-year long relationship. Each had the power of attorney over the other and each was allowed to visit the other during hospitalizations, according to People. For a couple in love, adoption didn’t seem like a bad idea if it grants you basic rights.

“We’ve always looked at it as being in a union,” Bosee said, “and this was just one more notch in committing that union as far as we were concerned… Maybe from looking at it from the outside it seems like [the adoption] should have [changed the way we felt each other], but it was just one more arrow in our quiver of making our relationship that much stronger.”

U.S. Senator Bob Casey is reported to be interested in their case, sending a letter to U.S. Attorney General Loretta Lynch asking the Justice Dept. to consider issuing guidance in their case and others like it.

What’s interesting is that many friends and neighbors didn’t even know about the adoption, but now that they can, they definitely are in it for the long haul.

“There’s no turning back now,” says Esposito.

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