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Are Gays And Lesbians “Frenemies”?

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It has come to my attention that gays and lesbians have become like a good “frenemy” – meaning, we acknowledge each other when you are a little less than sober, but the rest of the time when you are together there is an unspoken wall of separation. Is it always like this?

The gay and lesbian bars are constantly separated, and both communities speak like they want absolutely nothing to do with the other. We stick to our own little worlds and pretend like the other one is satisfied with their lot. In a sense, most  of them are. Happy with the seclusion of the other in certain circumstances – but why is that? When it comes to legislation and policy, we ban together like the Trojan army, but in our community life there is a divide.

I went to a party in Brooklyn once that was the perfect combination of gays and lesbians – happy and contented to be together – it was in an open warehouse near Williamsburg. I couldn’t believe what I was witnessing. Butch lesbians dancing with feminine gay guys, laughing and cheering each other like friends. It was such a change from what I’m used to seeing. There was no separation of the species.

The rhetoric never ends. Gay guys say that lesbians are rude, angry, and cliquish. Lesbians say that we’re pretentious and self-absorbed. We both  have this idea that we’re somehow better than the other. One lesbian went so far as to say that every gay area in all major cities was a “sausage fest,” meaning that it’s all about the guys and not enough about the women. In a way, theyre right. Gay guys have taken over the gay scene in all directions, leaving not much room for lesbians – except for a few little places. Do you think this can cause resentment?

Let’s be honest with each other here. Both of us have faced the same discrimination in our lives, and will always have similar issues in the future. Together, we have become the gay community – the center of all things fabulous. The togetherness we feel during pride parades should resonate with us the entire year. It’s not as if we don’t have anything to talk about.

I’m beginning to think it is a retaliation of the sexes. Having been expected to love women all our lives, do you think it could be a reaction to that oppression? The “You have coodies” kind of thinking which takes away from connection with them. I think we can have a lot to benefit from in each other.

Grab your lesbian friend and give her a big old kiss – wipe it off – and then get to know her. I bet you that she will end up being the best person you met all day. Make a vow right here and now to not judge each other. What do you say?

Lez be better than that.

Rhode Island Legalizes Gay Marriage

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Today, Rhode Island became the tenth state to legalize gay marriage. Mark one more off the check list folks! Even though DOMA is still in the shadows, state by state we are seeing light at the end of the rainbow – figuratively speaking.

And wouldn’t you know – the main opponent for this law being passed was the Catholic church. According to ABC News, Bishop Thomas Tobin wrote to the lawmakers urging them not to pass the legislation, calling it an “immoral and unnecessary” change to traditional marriage law. They lost of course and Rhode Island legislation stated that the church can be free to make up their own rules as far as performing and recognizing gay marriages. (Yeah baby!)

The law passed by a landslide 56-15, and all thanks to House Speaker Gordon Fox who happens to be gay. It was a long battle since Rhode Island is heavily populated by Catholics, but since all the other New England states have made it legal, it was just a matter of time before Rhode Island followed.

Starting on July 1st, civil unions will no longer be given in the state – however they WILL recognize them from other states. Maybe this can be the beginning of a much needed goodbye to Civil Unions.

In a state that has a town like Providence Town, I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner. New England seems like the new place to live now. Since the entire area is legal, gays are free to flock from state to state and be recognized everywhere they go.

I’ve always wondered why New Englanders are such pioneers – it’s in their blood apparently. Although it might have something to do with the brunches and crab cakes…

The Need For Gay Cinema

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Gay Guys - Gay Characters in Movies

With the new coming-outs of all these athletes, there seems to be a need for a new type of Queer Cinema. Most of the mainstream movies with gay characters or gay situations often involve them being oppressed by society. Within the last few years, homosexual shame has filtered away. There is no need anymore to represent gay people as a submissive community.

When film first began, gay characters appeared mostly in the comedic sense. Seen as carefree, flamboyant, clown-like men, their image become obscenely offensive to the public. In fact, it went all the way to the Supreme Court. Since cinema was so new at the time, in the late 1920s there was much debate on whether films were seen under the first amendment.  Turns out, they weren’t, which is why they passed the “Hayes Code” which allowed for censorship, thus ending the flamboyant characters.

Fast forward decades later, straight men were making a decent living wearing dresses! Movies like “Some Like It Hot” made it humorous for men to play women-like characters, as long as they was no inclination that he was gay – just a cross dresser. (Right…)

It seems like it’s been the norm for gay films to be more under ground and Independently made productions. These are the kind of movies you will see on Netflix under “Gay and Lesbian”. The movies are pretty decent, it’s just not as mainstream as it could be. All the mainstreams in the 70s, 80s, and 90s that featured gay characters were mostly stereotypical gay guys. Movies like “Philadelphia” helped to change the course a bit in the right direction.

By the time “Brokeback Mountain” hit the theaters, America had been ready for years to see a movie about two gay lovers, but here is my issue: Why is America so supportive to watch two straight men playing gay men, but not gay men playing gay men?

It seems like gay men would know more about how to play “gay” than straight guys. Even the roles that are super gay are often played by straight men. Does this lead to a better appreciation of their acting talent?

Are people uncomfortable to watch gay men play themselves? Perhaps it gets too real at that point, because if your watching two guys kiss on screen, at LEAST you know that they’re straight. Then it isn’t real, it’s just a movie. Well, gay people ARE real and we want to play ourselves, not just in Independent circuits where only gay people will see us. We want to be seen on the big screen where people can get a good idea of who we are.

Especially now that we slapped America across the face with reality as all these athletes slowly come out of the closet, the need for gay representation in cinema is important. No more depressing oppression stories. If we are going to expand minds, we need to show them the possibilities of how life can be, through art.

The history of art has been representing life as it is – and gay life, for the most part, is no longer one of fear. Movies are powerful mediums and they have the power to reach the masses in such a way that can catapult a new wave of logic.

Life As A Gay Military Soldier: Are We Moving Forward?

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Since the beginning of the United States, homosexuals have not been allowed to serve in all branches. In fact, since 1940 the military had hired psychiatrists to screen candidates before they even put on the uniform. If they failed the “gay test,” they were not allowed to serve. Period. This is why in Vietnam, many men claimed they were gay so they wouldn’t have to go – however, a lot of them didn’t pass the test and ended up serving anyway.

It’s shocking to see that after the repealing of Dont Ask, Dont Tell, a lot of the military branches are still extremely homophobic with their fellow troops, though many people in the gay community have heard stories about enlisted soldiers asking for sexual favors from gay soldiers – threatening them that if they told anyone, they would physically harm them. However, you also hear stories of soldiers being completely supportive and have actually taken their friends to gay bars to try and find boys for them.

The fact that soldiers are now open is still a new idea and could take some getting used to for all branches, which brings me to my question: Is being open in a branch full of homophobic soldiers better or worse than serving in silence?

Something that a lot of people don’t know is that while Dont Ask, Dont Tell was considering being repealed, a network called OutServe.com started. The purpose of it was to connect hundreds of gay soldiers to each other from all bases in a secret way, using secret Facebook pages. The communication between the soldiers proved to be the strongest tool in repealing the policy. Shouldn’t someone make a movie about that? I think so.

When Dont Ask, Don’t Tell was repealed in 2011, soldiers had to sit in a room with a Power Point presentation of rules and bullet points of how to treat gay people when they come across them during service. Imagine being in a room and witnessing one man and a computer telling how other people should treat you.

There’s no doubt about it that repealing Dont Ask, Dont Tell was a great thing. There have been countless suicides, court martials, and discharges because of this policy. The emotional support of your comrads is everything when you are serving in the military, and to not have that can psychologically affect you in ways that are unfathomable.

Even a Lieutenant Colonel with eighteen years of service said that he was so scared that something would slip up, he had to watch what he wrote on Facebook, what he had in his bags, and what he hung up in his apartment in fear that someone would find out. Once they do, it doesn’t matter what your record is – it is now in the trash.

Another anonymous Colonel with fourteen years of service said that once people found out they were able to use it as leverage, forcing you to do certain duties and threatening to report you if you didn’t do them. He had seen it happen multiple times. What are these people doing now? These soldiers that were in the military and used Dont Ask, Dont Tell to their benefit? They’re still serving obviously.

In a recent study at the Palm Center, they found that gays serving openly has not impacted the net in a negative way. So basically the military itself has not been affected, but what about what goes on behind closed doors? We have to understand that discriminating against gay people has been the history of the military since 1940. It’s not going to change over the course of two years.

What we really need to understand and remember is that the military is a volunteer service. People do not get forced to protect our country. These men and women are willing to die in battle for the United States and it’s citizens, and now – Thank God! – they can do it without fear. But now what we must do is work on another fear. The fear of being accepted by their comrades.

The world needs more gay soldiers – they have fought a battle all their lives. They know how to overcome.

It is happening slowly, but surely. In fact there is now an online dating website for gay soldiers called GayCharlie.com. And no, you can’t join unless you are serving – I’ve tried.

Gay Chemistry: Is It Real?

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Sexual attraction is real, but people don’t get that it’s not just about someone being visually stimulating. They have a scent that we as animals react to sexually. And according to researchers, gay men respond to these “scents” the same way women do. Another reason why we’re best friends!

Everyone knows what pheromones are. They’re the chemicals inside us that are emitted on other people to evoke certain kinds of behavior. It’s most famous virtue is sexual behavior! In men, our pheromones are emitted from our sweat – no wonder I do a double take when I see men running shirtless on the street.

Apparently they did a test in Sweden (the land of the blondes) where men and women were tested on their reactions to these scents. Women’s pheromones are in their urine and other vagina emissions (right?) and in men they come out in their sweat glands. After testing their reactions to the other, they found that neurons in the brain were going crazy when they smelled them.

Well, of course they tested it with gay guys – and low and behold, they found that we had the same reactions as the women did. Goes to show that gay chemistry is real!

Visual attraction is certainly one thing, but anyone who has been in a relationship knows the kind of chemistry I’m talking about. To be really scientific about it, it’s not JUST the pheromones that make a bond (though they certainly help), but the scent also sends us a data report on the other’s eating habits, general health, and lifespan in some cases.

In the straight world, the scent is supposed to help you decide which person will collaborate with your genes to produce healthy offspring. In the gay world, it will help you decide which person will collaborate with your workout schedule to produce a healthy credit score. Same difference.

It takes more than sexual attraction to produce a great relationship. Love is an acquired feeling, however it is jump started by the most basic of scientific bonding within the brains. When someone says they have chemistry, they really mean it! This is where the term “love at first sight” has sprung from.

There are those rare cases when two people see each other, talk for a few minutes, and instantly are connected – they just know it! I’ve spoken to a lot of couples who knew they met “the one” after the first date. There was little to no effort in trying to impress or pretending to care more than they did – these people experienced chemical reactions to one another. Their brains started activating various parts which signaled them towards each other in a bonding way.

This my friends, is chemistry – and you can’t fake it. No matter how hard you try.

Gay Conversion Therapy: Why It Doesn’t Work

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One of the most shocking things that the gay community has been put through is gay conversion therapy. Mostly it has been a complete creation of religious groups attempting to try and turn a gay person straight, henceforth, putting them on the road to “salvation.” First of all, I just want to point out that the American Psychological Association (APA) does not consider homosexuality a mental disorder. APA is used as one of the main centers of arguments when disputing mental disorders in court.

In fact, APA wrote a statement in 1997 that completely condemned conversion therapy by saying that society, prejudice, and pressure are the main weight on gay people’s mental health – aint it great to know that we’re right?

Even major psychologists have known this for almost a hundred years. In 1920, Sigmund Freud said that homosexuality is nothing to be ashamed of, no vice, no degradation; it cannot be classified as a mental illness. If only other psychologists were up to date like him; some were so adamant that homosexuality can be cured that they went even as far as replacing homosexual’s testicles with that of a straight persons – but the balls proved to wrong.

It wasn’t until 1973 that APA decided homosexuality was not a mental illness that conversion treatments stopped getting backed. This was the time they were starting to do shock treatments to somehow excite the brain cells into the “right of passage.”

But low and behold, religious fanatics insisted that there was something to these treatments – not done in a scientific way, but in a therapeutic way – sessions with the aim of bringing God into the conversation, using his power as the cure. One of these conversion groups is called “Jonah,” and Jewish organization dedicated to educate the Jewish community about the factors which lead to same sex attraction. They are currently being sued by four former clients.

One of Jonah’s sessions involved a student being told by his therapist to strip down and touch himself to reconnect with his masculinity – I do that every day, does that make me straight?

Countless studies have proven that these sessions do not work, in fact most of these clients leave with little or no change whatsoever. A lot of them leave with more shame about their sexual feelings, depression, suicidal thoughts, and so much anxiety they have no idea what to do with it. This is an issue that has become so widely spread, and it is mostly being pushed by religious organizations. Most of these conversion groups’ main weapon of strategy is the rhetoric of salvation. If these clients are filled with so much shame, who do we think is to blame? Their own selves? I don’t think so.

You will be interested to know that most of these religious groups use one specific study as evidence that their practice works, and the very doctor that did this study later retracted his statement in support of the gay community. Psychiatrist Robert Spitzer’s original study was based on interviews, NOT behavioral or psychological sessions. For a while, many conservative groups were relieved that they had a real psychiatrist on their side. He wrote an apology in 2012 to the gay community about his extremely flawed study.

Gay people are not science projects and the sooner we stop treating it as a disability, the sooner we can focus on things worth the effort – like curing cancer, HIV, and world peace. Before we can solve world peace though, we need to make inner peace within ourselves. Most of our battles are brought on by lies.

Open your eyes to the truth. The truth should never hurt, in fact it sets you free.

50 Shades Of “Gay:” Is The Leather Gay Community Still Underground?

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Gay Guys 50 Shades of Gay - Bondage

The black, the leather, the boots, the whips – they all seem like a horrific scene from a gothic novel, but most people in BDSM community will tell you: “That’s the point!” There are many people involved with this community that decades ago seemed so underground due to the graphic nature of their fantasies. However, a lot of them have seemed to come out of the closet in some sorts. Now that leather and bondage seems to be an “in” thing right now, are more people bound to get involved?

What is it that people find so alluring about this world? In a way, it can be sexy to feel like you are completely not in control. With your legs bound, your hands tied, your eyes folded, you are relinquishing all things that make you human – the will to say no. It can be completely freeing and such a turn on. The sexual journey to climax is a lot longer because of the delayed foreplay involved, so in a sense it ‘s all up to the person’s willing to submit.

The Leather Gay movement was most likely started in the 1940s after the war. It was a sort of branch off from the motorcycle community, attempting to show the world their resentment of America after World War II with bad boy attitudes and dirty mouths. A lot of the masculine appeal that many gay men brought from the motorcycle communities was the leather jackets, cigarettes, and oily hair which seemed to show homosexuals as real men, and not flamboyant – a common stereotype at the time. Some still think that this is one of the main appeals of leather and bondage.

In the 80s, the Leather Gay community was super underground and not many people knew the lingo or the rules involved. Usually it wasn’t common for people to be versatile in those days. You were either a “Master” which is a dominant top that tends to be the one in control or the “Slave” which is the total bottom that likes to be controlled. As time moved forward, people began to embrace new forms of bondage and in doing so, began to role reverse. Nowadays, most people switch roles.

I was shocked to hear that there has been Pansexual communities branching out from these Leather Gay clubs, in which they embrace each other’s mind and soul and use that as a form of ecstasy or non-sexual pleasure. Hey – whatever gets you there, right?

The conservative community obviously doesn’t think too highly about this culture, and sadly neither do some gay people. Some members of the gay community frown upon it simply because it creates a stereotype about gay people. When most extreme homophobic countries talk down about homosexuals, they use BDSM images to display how “disgusting” we are. Obviously, we know that not all gay people are like this – in fact it’s a small minority of gays that actually DO like it. But nonetheless, dictators of third world countries like Uganda have used these acts as an excuse to kill their gay citizens. However, this has nothing to do with the BDSM community, but of the country’s own misunderstanding of homosexuals.

The Leather Gay community has always been one of the most friendly communities we have. They tease, they laugh, and they wear backless chaps. What’s better than that? Wherever the Leather Gay community is now, it certainly is farther than where they were decades ago. And because of new books like 50 Shades of Gray, it is now becoming more interesting to the outer public. Perhaps we will see an expansion of this new community in years to come.

That’s a lot of backless chaps…

Gay Hate Crimes Are Not Stopping

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According to a new study, nearly 260,000 Americans over the age of 12 are victims of hate crimes every year. This is the highest it has ever been. Obviously gay hate crimes are not stopping and the most surprising part is that a lot of these were never reported to the police. What is wrong here?

Have we become a nation that is so petrified of the bully that we’re too scared to report to the higher-ups to fix the situation? Not surprisingly, 24% of hate crime victims are scared to go to the police in fear that they can’t or won’t help them. Local police clearly haven’t done a great job in letting the gay community know that they have their back. Most police would say that hate crimes are difficult to handle because the motivation is hard to prove most of the time, except in cases where they make it clear. Please.

The years when we were in elementary school and were scared to report bullying to the teacher in fear that the bullying will get worse has stuck with us all our lives. But this is 2013. Times are different now and the fact that homophobia still exists in and around our cities is disturbing.

I still cringe when I see gay people walking down the street, not looking left or right, too timid to acknowledge other people in fear. And you know what? Most of the time they have good reason. People still stare at couples walking hand in hand down the street, some even make sure that they’re disapproval is noticed. Even though no violence occurred, do you still think this is a hate crime?

We have all heard stories of homophobic policemen in the gay areas of cities, arresting people for nonsense reasons, some even getting called names. It’s because of this that most people feel animosity towards law enforcement, especially in small towns. They don’t feel welcome and it can seem like a waste of time and effort – but if we don’t report crimes, they WILL keep happening.

A simple solution will be to educate ourselves and our children. If someone sees gay bullying and does nothing, they are just as bad as the bully. Anonymous reporting is one of the most useful tools the police department has and without it, they wouldn’t be able to solve most of their cases.

What fills people with such hate that they have no other choice but to go violent?

It is shocking to see that the statistics are higher than ever, even now with more people being okay with LGBT legislation. It’s not uncommon during the middle of a civil rights movement that people retaliate against that community. With the media being so gay friendly lately, homophobic societies are forced to watch us  thrive and be ourselves which leaves them faced with reality.

Even through the toughest times, we need to know that the best times are still ahead of us. The biggest hate crime one can do is to hate themselves. Never live in fear because of other people’s lack of understanding. Their problems are not your problems – keep breathing.

Stand strong. Report hate crimes. Don’t be afraid of the aftermath, because the alternative is worse.

They will do it again.

Where To Meet Your Future Boyfriend

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To be blunt, dating in the gay community sucks. It’s hard to find guys that are worth the effort since a lot of times, we are either very insecure or too picky to choose. There are so many places that are open to finding the right guy, all it takes is some thought. Obviously, you aren’t going to find a boyfriend at most straight places (although you might find a more than willing straight dude).

Think about the places we go. If you go to the gay part of town on a Friday night, chances are you will only run into other boys who are hanging with their friends and want to have a good time. This can be a good deal, depending on the guy. If he’s with other gay guys, more than likely they will be willing to egg him on to get your number or at least, a quick kiss. But to find something more substantial, you need to go beyond the party scene.

Think about what kind of guy you want to find – professional? artsy? rights advocate? We come in many colors, you know. I would have to say you would be crazy to not want a man that loves you for who you are and is honest, genuine, outgoing, and caring – but we can’t all have my boyfriend, so let’s move on.

You’re never going to meet a boyfriend if you stay locked up at home or work all day. If you have a 9 to 5, chances are you will mostly meet someone in that area that you see often (maybe even at work). You are working most of the day and it’s where all your energy goes. It’s unlikely that you won’t eventually bump into someone that peeks your interest and keeps you wanting to get up every day, but why not help it along?

Think about public places like coffee shops, libraries, cafes, parks, and beaches. Some of these places it is best to go with friends and the rest are better to go solo.

Coffee Shops, Libraries, and Cafes

These are great places to go during the day time by yourself – be sure to visit the gay section in the libraries, obviously you might see someone digging through the latest periodical. If not, I recommend grabbing one and having a seat by yourself in the cafe. Order a coffee and make sure that people see what you are reading. You will be surprised at how many looks from guys you will get, and it might lead to a conversation.

Coffee shops are great during the day time too. This is one of the main hang outs for singles. It’s a place to unwind and do school work or catch up with news through the free wi-fi. Keep an eye open and look available to have conversations. People are very interested when they see people sitting alone, it makes them mysterious and intriguing.

Parks, Beaches,  and Bars

These are the places you should go with friends. When you see a loner sitting on the bench at the park, they are either creepy looking or they don’t want to be bothered – don’t give this message out to people. When you have friends, it allows your group to have conversations with other groups that are also there. You get to meet them and talk about similar interests and who knows, you might hit it off with one of them.

Bars are a little tricky because when you are out with friends, and alcohol is involved, it tends to make the night a bit more cliquey. In other words, you are only in tune with your friends. There are ways around this though. What about karaoke bars? Get up and do a little number, even if you suck it will still be funny and allow other people in the bar the freedom to talk with you. Karaoke bars are a great way to mix many types of groups together in an easy way.

Clubs and Night Crawling

I’m not going to diss this tactic. There are many people I know who have met their boyfriend while they were bar hoping. Think about it though, when you are bar hoping the goal is to get drunk. So chances are, you will meet someone else who is also drunk. The first impression is always key – it sets the foundation for the rest of the relationship (Thank you Patti Stanger!).

Being single can be very freeing – don’t feel like you HAVE to have a boyfriend. It’s the most unattractive quality to have. Be comfortable in your own skin. That way when you meet the right person, they will fit in perfectly.

The “Asexual” Community: What’s Their Deal?

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Ah, the asexuals. A lot of arguments are constantly being heard from all communities in all areas. Are they real? Are they just gay and in the closet? Are they just doing this for attention?

Well apparently they’re not. Turns out the science world is not unfamiliar with this term. They have slowly been doing research for the last twenty years and still is a little skeptical about it. The only new thing about asexuality is that now a lot more people are talking about it, and it’s mostly thanks to David Jay.

Jay is the founder of AVEN, or Asexual Visibility and Education Network at www.asexuality.org. When you go to the website, the message is clear to you. “An Asexual person is a person who does not experience sexual attraction.” For most of the world, we find this a little too hard to believe – which is probably why they have 30,000 members.

As a member of the gay community, I know what it’s like to be victimized because of misunderstanding. I think we all WANT to understand the Asexuality movement, but we refuse to because as gay guys, we love sex! 

Is that too blunt? Perhaps that is the honest reason why most of us don’t give them a chance to explain themselves. I’ve seen many Asexual groups who travel the country to all the Pride Parades and hand out flyers which gives detailed information about asexuals. When people get handed a flyer, the most common reaction is to look at them in disgust and throw it away. What is the deal?

So they don’t like to have sex. So they don’t get turned. So they don’t masturbate – wait… actually they do!

In the documentary (A)Sexual, they did a study of straight men, gay man, and asexual men. They were all given a questionnaire and were told to answer as truthfully as possible. Wouldn’t you know – asexuals masturbate just as often as the rest of us. Why? Apparently one of the asexuals described it as “cleaning the pipes.” In other words, there is no sexual thoughts during the process.

If there’s no sexual thoughts, then how do they get an erection in the first place?

That is the conundrum everyone is dealing with and trying to understand. The fact that asexuals claim that they are completely unaroused by sexual behavior leads me to think how they can make a partner happy. In most cases, they have to find another asexual partner which obviously is difficult. Getting to that point can take forever since most asexuals do not have a community to gather where they live. However chances are, if you are walking down the street and you see someone extremely happy – too happy – chances are they’re either Mormon or an Asexual – neither one has sex anyway.

Asexuals usually tend to be really happy people. That is, once they accept the fact that they are not alone. Being completely unaffected by sex can be awful during your adolescence. Getting bullied is hard enough, but to also not be able to have a relationship or a virginity loss story is the cherry on a very hard high school career.

Whether you believe in asexuality or not, doctors and psychologists might soon have an answer. There are research institutes that are working to find some sort of mutation in the brain that links to sexual desire. Till then, I think we should make a dating website – just for asexuals.

I suggest calling it DontTouchMeThere.com.

Staying Authentic In An Artificial World

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Gay Guys - Be Yourself, Authentic, Love Yourself

In a place that is so filled with fake people, it is not surprising that most aspects of the world eventually follow. It’s easy to see things in TV, at the movies, or in the magazines and get mislead into thinking that this is how you need to be as well. It’s not. In fact, the world gives much more respect to originality – that is, after all how most celebrities get famous to begin with.

There is no one else in the world like you. Be the one that gets imitated – NOT the one doing the imitating.

Our adolescence is the most crucial time in our lives. We discover what we like and don’t like, characteristics in people that we can handle and not handle, issues that we agree with and not agree with. As young adults, it becomes much more easier to get swayed in many directions, especially when we are befriending other curious thinkers who are contemplating their stance in the world. Eventually, we need to make a decision. Otherwise we will be flip flopping all our lives and never move forward in our individual paths.

Here’s the trick that we all must learn. We must first learn how to separate our intuition from our intellect. In other words, our intuition is the first feeling that we get. Oprah calls it the “gut feeling” moment. This is usually the right way to go, but before we even have time to relish in it, we shoot it directly into our brains, or intellect. Soon we are rationalizing it, picking it a part little by little and eventually over-thinking all the details. We get completely confused at which way to go, and then it becomes a problem. Over time we often forget where we stood with the issue and it soon develops into an emotional battle.

Not that there is anything wrong with rationalizing. In fact, rationalizing is one of the greatest things we can have as adults. The habit, however, is not to depend on it. Not everything needs as much rationalizing as you think. Sometimes, our intuition is the only tool we have towards being happy. When we go against our core feelings, obviously the contentment with our decisions starts to combat each other.

This is a huge dilemma in the gay community. Most gay men know that they’re gay at an early age, and eventually our intuitive knowledge is met with the world’s intellectual reasoning of what’s moral and immoral. As we begin to grow, it infects our understanding of who we are. The battle scars are still there when we are adults in most cases. Take this journey of self discovery towards other phases in your life – grow from it.

The more you listen to your intuition, the further you will be in living your authenticity. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t ignore it. At least acknowledge the fact that you felt something. Learn to say no! Saying yes all the time will only get you in the habit of ignoring your opinions on things. Know what you stand for and be true to that. Don’t change your tastes, because you feel these things for a reason.

There’s nothing wrong with trying new things, but pretending to believe in something or faking your liking to something, just to please others, is going to affect your happiness.

Your authenticity is the only thing you have in this world that separates you from the cattle. How many times have you seen someone walk through the doors and instantly, you are captivated by their confidence? Seeing someone who is totally themselves naturally invites the world to see it. Most people ache to have that quality and to see it in another, is inspiring to them.

The only way you will find yourself is if you start listening to yourself. Don’t ignore your truth, flourish it and make it ripen. Your life will be much more plentiful because of it.

What Is The “Gang Of Eight” LGBT Immigration Legislation?

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Gay Guys - Immigration Law Affecting Gay Couples

Almost four months ago, President Obama revealed an immigration reform proposal called “The Gang of Eight” which includes same-sex couples. What does this mean?

Basically if your partner is not from America, they would then be allowed to become a citizen upon marriage – just like heterosexuals. Currently it’s floating in the house and by the time it reaches the Senate, the chance that it will still include the LGBT community is doubtful.

Just to fill you in, currently in America there are 32,000 same-sex couples that are both from another country; 113,000 foreign men and women who are partnered with American citizens; and the worst of it all, there are 12,400 children resulting from these relationships. If this bill passes into law without the LGBT community included, these children might get separated from their parent(s) due to deportation.

Immigration is just another prime example at how unequal we are still looked at from Washington. While the House is still floating this bill, which will go to the Senate next week, they all have their eyes on this LGBT thing that will cause so much damage to the country apparently that some people are saying they will not allow it to go through if gay people are included. Messed up, right?

Forget the fact that all of these people want to give to our economy, pay taxes, and help with their community. They’re gay… they’re not allowed to be an American.

Two weeks ago, there was a march at Washington by an organization called Immigration Equality who have been fighting the battle for almost ten years.

In all honesty, there are so many things wrong with this bill, who KNOWS if it will be passed into law or not once it goes to the Senate. In the bill, they give extreme leniency to many areas like background checks and piggybacking. It’s almost as if they wouldn’t figure out that we would notice – who is writing these laws? I’ve found more sense on the back of a cereal box!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jason Collins Makes The NBA Look GOOD

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Gay Guys - Jason Collins - First Out Gay NBA Player

The past twenty four hours have been fluttering with buzz and glitter since Jason Collins became the first openly gay professional athlete – EVER! First Alan Gendreau, now Jason Collins?! Do you think there’s something in the steroids?

The athletic world definitely has drunken the gay juice and it seems like there is no stopping the pride that they have. Jason Collins came out as a gay man yesterday and the support has been absolutely extraordinary. Even President Obama reached out to him – I hope Alan Gendreau doesn’t feel like his thunder has been stolen. Regardless, this is history in the making.

34-year old Collins has played on six pro teams and two NBA finals. They have a saying in the NBA called “three degrees from Collins”. If you haven’t played on a team with him, chances are, one of your teammates has. Collins acts as his own sports agent, something that a lot of people find strange – but Collins has never had to answer to anyone except himself. That’s how he likes it.

Collins was inspired to come out during Boston’s 2012 gay pride parade when his old roommate at Standford, congressman Joe Kennedy, marched next to the gays. Kennedy is straight and hearing this made Collins very envious. Since he was in the sport, he couldn’t even attend the festivities just to cheer his friend from the sidelines. He had to hide. It was an eyeopening experience for him.

Collins writes, “I want to march for tolerance, acceptance and understanding. I want to take a stand and say, ‘Me, too.'”

To Collins surprise, his twin brother didn’t even suspect. It wasn’t until last summer that he came out to him. But little did everyone know, Collins had been showing the signs for a long time right under our noses. When he was playing for the Celtics and Wizards, he insisted on wearing jersey number 98 in honor of the death of Mathew Shepard, a gay teen that was brutally killed in 1998. Who knew?!

One might think that it is tough for Collins right now – being an athlete, black, AND gay. He is totally not the stereotypical gay guy that most sport-loving heteros think of. Isn’t it great?

Two months ago, when the Supreme Court was in oral arguments about Gay Marriage, Collins found it almost unbearable to still be in the closet. The straight life and gay life constantly conflicting with each other, it was as if he was seeing the edge getting closer to his coming out. Thank God for the other straight athletes, like Chris Kluwe and Brendon Ayanbadejo, who have came out in support of their gay teammates. Perhaps if it weren’t for people like that, kids in America who are gay and want to play the sport might feel unwelcome.

I am starting to finally see the bigger picture. With all these famous athletes being the most anti-stereotypical gay guys out there coming out as gay, this could lead a lot of people to view gay rights differently. This is just a slow incline that will change people’s minds in the stands first, then Washington!

Now my dream of being a Football wife can come true.

Gay Blind Dates: Are You Crazy?!

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Gay Guys - Gay Blind Dates - Gay Dating Tips

I’d bet a million dollars that every gay man in America has at least been offered a blind date, or the very least has heard, “I want you to meet my friend. He’s soooo cute..” by numerous girls at parties, bars, and bar mitzvahs.

Why does every woman play matchmaker? Do they not think we can find men ourselves – I mean some of us can’t, but that’s another issue. Just because two guys are gay does NOT mean that they will be compatible to one another. There is more to chemistry than the fact that both of us like boys.

Afterwards, the girl usually gets on her phone to show you a Facebook picture of the guy in question, laughing proudly at the possible love connection she may have made. It’s like we’re a project.

Even though it’s annoying, you might be surprised that the gay community has the largest number of blind dates per year than any other, according to surveys on dating websites. Maybe there’s something to these mutual friend hook ups after all.

There is a kind of pride when it comes to blind dates. It’s like someone is doing your homework for you. Some people like to sit back and let someone else do the work, but others like to do it themselves because they are too picky and stubborn to trust someone else’s tastes.

Blind dates come in four ways. One way is the kind where you see a guy and he is completely gorgeous from head to toe. Perfect teeth, great body, nice style… but he’s a total a**hole. Another way is the opposite. He’s a little frumpy, not very attractive and maybe even revolting, but his personality sways you. He grows on you in just those few hours and soon, you’re looking at him in a different way. Second date?

The third can be good and bad, depending on how you look at it. There he is: smoking hot and a personality to boot! What do you do with this? You were expecting Gollum and instead you got Vigo! It can be intimidating if you aren’t careful. Worst case situation is you fluster your words and drop your drink all over your shirt because you were too busy looking at his chest hair.

The absolute worst is a guy who shows up and is revolting with the personality of a caveman. A total animal too embarrassing to go out with anywhere. This was my experience – trust me, it doesn’t end in a good way.

Just a warning: before you go on a blind date, look at the source in which it came. If it were my best friend that told me about this wonderful guy she wanted me to meet, I would probably be more willing to explore it than if it were an acquaintance I barely knew. Most likely if you don’t know the person, she is just trying to play matchmaker and is only playing her game, not yours.

She is not a matchmaker, and this isn’t Fiddler on the Roof.

Gays In America: Small Towns & Big Cities

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Gay Guys - Small Town

It’s no secret that we’re everywhere. The gay community has vastly grown in the last twenty years due to the expanding social acceptances of the country. Young people are coming out in groves, and it seems like the world is understanding. However, in a lot of cases, it just isn’t…

Cities like Los Angeles and New York have a huge population of gays, and to the people that live within these areas, it’s hard to believe that in other parts of the country, it isn’t welcome. Until we go to small towns, we fail to realize how much we take for granite. Being able to walk hand in hand with your partner and not feel the fire and brimstone stare; expressing yourself openly and outwardly without feeling judged; talking freely about boys and the everyday problems with dating – we fail to see that we city-folk have it made.

When an incident like the death of Matthew Shepard in Laramie, Wyoming happens, it brings the ugly truth to the forefront: we are not accepted everywhere! Perhaps that’s why gay people move in herds every year to the big cities – who can blame us, really?

Not that small towns are bad places – I’m from a small town and I loved it. The sense of community made me a more caring and loyal individual, and because of this attribute, I feel for the ones who have experienced a different side.

In most small towns, there is usually only one gay bar. More often than not, it is placed far away from the activities of the town, only policemen and homophobic radicals knowing about it. Nightly, the bar owners are worried about the safety of their patrons. Most of them keep a shotgun behind the bar, and you can bet that they’ve used it at least once.

Why is it so vastly different for Middle America to catch up to the times? We can sit and twiddle our fingers till our generation’s “more accepting” youth grows up, but how long will that be? Ten, twenty, thirty years?

With websites like this, we can actually make a difference. To have a refuge for gay people in small towns to escape on will give them hope in dealing with the day-to-day adversities. When you surround yourself with people that are like you, the fear fades away. Don’t live in fear.

It is this fear that causes infectious pain. We see prime examples in the media – the closeted gays who are too scared to come out and force themselves to have socially acceptable relationships, i.e. marry a woman, have children, buy a house and a dog – it never works out. Shame: it’s a habit that’s taught to us by our community. Shame is learned, and it can be broken. It just takes time.

Recent surveys have shown that depression among gays in small towns have lessened due to the numbers of safe havens and counseling centers that have spawned. Groups of gays are coming together with the commonality of discrimination in their communities. Maybe us city-folk can learn something from this – it seems that the number of counseling centers have been dwindling in metropolitan areas. Funny huh?

We are scattered throughout the country, yet our lives are so different. Living in a place where you are even the slightest bit more accepted can affect your self-esteem in astronomical ways. If you are reading this somewhere in Middle America and you feel like you are all alone… guess what. You’re not!

 

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