There’s nothing worse than having a friend who is a downer. They’re the people who don’t appreciate the simple things in life, like you do. The ones who pull you down when you’re feeling happy or deliver bad news when you just received good news. These leeches are everywhere and you need to understand that as long as they are around you, you will always have more weight than necessary dragging behind you.
Life is hard as it is. We are always trying to find the best ways of coping with our own circumstances and when negativity rears it’s ugly face in, it will always reverse the progress we’ve made…. let me repeat that… It will always reverse the progress we’ve made.
Here’s how you can tell if someone is bad for you: How do they make you feel? Do they make you feel bad? angry? depressed? guilty? self conscious? If you answered yes to any one of these things, why do you continue to put up with it? Is it the long history you’ve had with them? The need to have as many friends in your life as possible? Do you feel that this person will some how be good for your career down the road?
And it doesn’t even need to be how they make you feel. Sometimes it’s just how their personality is – flat out. If they are an angry person, an insecure person, a selfish person – guess what. You are going to wear yourself out so much trying to make them happy, that eventually their bad traits will rub off on YOU. It’s the natural law.
When we are young adults, it is the time when having negative people in our lives is most frequent. These are the years where we grow into our personalities and start to make difficult choices. These choices will most likely affect us for the rest of our lives – and this includes choosing the people you wish to have around you. Bad influences will eventually pull you down so much that there is no other option but to cut them off. It’s a long and painful process to learn, but it’s a lesson that every person gets at one point or another. Whether you are the one doing the dumping or the one getting dumped… either way, you learn something about yourself.
Cutting someone off is never easy. It must be done cautiously, because the last thing you want is a guilty conscience. When it happens, it needs to be for the goodness of both you, not just for your own pretentious fulfillment.
The most mature way to handle this kind of situation is to give reasons why you’re deciding to distance yourself – without offending them. Say that for your own good, you need to be a part for while. Remind them that you love them, and that you need to break free to find yourself. The last thing you want to say are things like:
- “You’re too toxic for me….”
- “You need to get your sh*t together… “
… or something as pretentious as
- “You’re ruining my growth…”
These things make a person hate your guts and believe me, you don’t want that kind of energy hanging over your shoulders afterwards. With that sort of baggage, it’ll be like they never left and the whole thing would’ve been pointless. Your happiness is the most important thing here – that must ALWAYS come first. No matter how many restless nights you’ve spent thinking about the precise way to handle this kind of situation, the answer is always going to lie in your heart.
I like to call my heart my “Happy Compass.”
When you are in a situation with someone that doesn’t make you feel 100% yourself, like you are chipping away your true potential, and worse of all, like you are going backwards instead of moving ahead – think about it…
Your heart is saying that you are going in the wrong direction.