It’s Never Going to be Easy…
Nothing good has ever happened without the demise of something else equally as great. In order to experience the new, we have to mourn the old—that’s life.
Regardless of how a relationship ended, it’s always hard to create a new habit for yourself when both mentally and emotionally. After investing our heart and soul in a man who made us feel special, how the hell can we retrain our souls to find peace without completely falling to pieces in the process?
Our spirits have been tattered, and we tend to forget what it looked like before all this happened—full-fledged laughter, the joy, a fearless smile—we’ve forgotten it all.
It’s time to paste ourselves back together.
The process is never going to be easy. As fast as it took for our world to crumble it might be a thousand times slower for it to come back together. But like any habit, it starts with readjusting our daily rituals until they become second nature—in this case it’s about rebuilding the person we once were:
Cut ties with friends who make you feel like it was your fault. After my last breakup I had friends who would literally say, “You know, he’s handling this way more maturely than you are…” or “Maybe you can really learn about this. What do you think you could have done better in the relationship?” Trust me, you do not need this right now. They might have good intentions, but they clearly don’t know the context.
Watch videos that make you laugh. Trigger a part of your brain that makes you feel goofy. Visit it again and let it evoke more joy. It’s like giving your soul a refresher, which is much needed when you’re feeling down in the dumps.
Only smile when it’s genuine. Nothing kills a soul more than when you lie to yourself. Forcing a smile when, deep down, you’re incredibly sad can do damage. After a while you’ll probably resent smiling at all. Learn how to smile again with authenticity, not because you’re trying to force joy to come.
Delete Grindr. The last thing you want is for strangers to come over and have sex with you when the whole time you’re thinking of your ex. Believe me, it’s going to be healing. It will have the opposite effect.
Don’t make this about you. The second you start thinking he broke up with you because you weren’t good enough, it will bleed into all aspects of your life. Self-doubt will become a routine thing, and all your creative juices and genuine qualities will get drowned in blackness. Never blame yourself.
Get rid of him, digitally. By this I mean block him from Facebook and all other social media outlets. You might need to work your way up to it because, hey, we’re human and require time to build the courage. But the second you do is when you actually start a healing process.
Fake it till you make it. You’d be surprised what a little sense of confidence can do for rebuilding. Even if it’s somewhat exaggerated, eventually your mind starts to unconsciously mold around that mainframe. It’s okay to hurt, but every once in a while go out in the world and be bold, brave and fearless. It’s crucial.
Always choose love. Never let him turn your heart cold or bitter. He’s never going to be a good enough excuse for you to become hateful towards the world, yourself or your work. In your core, you are a great person. Obey yourself, not some shmuck that didn’t how good you were when he had you. Always choose love, not hate.