As I listen to the sounds of my man taking a shower after a long (and I mean long) session of love making, I wonder how life can get any better than this. Two men in love expressing their lust for each other seems to be the only way to express passion—still, there are plenty of gay guys who believe in platonic intimacy.
One couple I know who’ve been together for over thirty years are an example. I asked them once what the secret to a long-lasting relationship is, they said, “We don’t have sex. Sex f*cks everything up.”
I thought they were joking at first, but turns out they were dead serious. “We have sex with other people, sure, sex is important for men to have. But when it comes to us, our relationship is based on more than that—it’s friendship, love, trust. Sex doesn’t have any place in that. We decided a long time ago to rid ourselves from it, and it works. I’ve never been so in love and devoted to anyone in my entire life. He’s my best friend.”
It might be difficult to wrap your head around. After all, we’ve all seen the Asexual groups at Pride parades. Often times they want to be included in our march for equality, but many times gay guys brush them aside. We think they’re trying to get people to not have sex, which, let’s face it, isn’t exactly on the gay man’s menu.
But platonic relationships have nothing to do with asexuality. They have sex (just not with each other). Asexuals claim to not have the typical sex drive as everyone else—they rely on emotional, mental and spiritual love.
Are there benefits to not having sex with your partner?
A relationship without sex might as well be a business partnership. He pays the bills, you do the dishes, he tells the joke, you finish the punch line, he rubs your back, you rub his, he confesses his love, you do the same etc. To me, it sounds like romance without sex might even be more intimate than one with it.
Personally I’m all about sex, but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand the appeal of platonic relationships. I have many gay guys in my life who I don’t have sex with, yet we’re the best of friends. While there might be silent tension, I know it will never come to fruition.
Comparatively, when a man is involved in an intimate relationship there is a greater possibility for sex, which stimulates the fantasies and libido to no end. Perhaps that’s the reason why their love might grow—the tension creates a tighter bond like a never-ending buildup to foreplay.
I know it’s possible for gay guys to have a relationship without sex because I’ve seen it happen successfully. I may not understand it fully, but trust me when I say there are plenty of happy couples out there who would rather snuggle on the couch and watch Netflix than a weekend of sex. Personally, if it were up to me I’d settle for both at the same time.