Let’s Talk About Gay Guys Who Hate Gay People

gay men who hate everyone

The root of all hatred is misunderstanding.

We all have those friends who call it like they see it. They tell the truth no matter how it hurts—sometimes it’s for the better, other times not so much. But when the topics change to something more divisive, like say, bashing other gay guys, does it become hate speech?

I encounter gay men all the time that seem to hate gay people. They’re drenched in internalized homophobia and it blinds them from living their lives with a sense of purpose other than convincing the world they’re different from the rest of us. I grew up around these people.

Being from the south, I encountered gay-bashers at school, at work, even at gay events. Is there an invisible line we tend to have with each other that exists on the spectrum of how “gay” we are?

There are plenty of guys out there who have an issue with the stereotypes we face every day. Trust me I know how frustrating it can be, but there’s a clear line between having an issue with social perception and straight-up hating a person. While these people think it has to do with taste or conformity, it really has to do with insecurity.

The root of all hatred is misunderstanding. But how can we get to a place where we understand each other if we won’t even try to understand ourselves?

Fear makes us resent people. It keeps us hidden inside a bubble of bitterness because we’re too ignorant to analyze our demons. We’d rather blame everyone, target them and make them feel less-than—segregation in our own community. So when a gay man says he hates gay people, what does he really mean?

What he really means is that he hates feminine gay guys—after all, that’s who society trains us to resent. While we try to make the world more accepting of different lifestyles, it’s resentment that holds us back. What we’re really saying is you can be anything you want to be… just don’t be a fairy.

It’s time to stop caring about everyone else and start fixing our own lives. Saying we hate other gay guys is a pretty intense thing to say without asking ourselves why, don’t you think?

The more time we waste running our mouths about why we hate stereotypical gay guys, the more weight we add to our own sadness. There’s no need to go through life associating gay people with our personal struggles of acceptance. The only person who can fix it is ourselves—start today.

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