As much as I’d like to say I don’t talk about myself, I know I’d be lying. We all do. After all, speaking highly of ourselves is the only way to convince us that we’re right.
It might come as a surprise to some of you who read my articles, but I’m not usually this direct. In fact I’d classify myself as a man with little courage to speak his mind out of fear it might hurt someone else’s feelings—some call it niceness, but in this day and age niceness is associated with weakness, and the only way we combat weakness is with false confidence: “Keeping up appearances” my friend likes to call it.
There’s an ongoing show we like to put on—a role we desperately want the world to view us as: leader, funny man, popular, social butterfly, happy go lucky, having our sh*t together. But at some point the show becomes transparent. At some point the curtain peels open to reveal our true selves—what then?
Who is the person beneath the layers of exaggeration?
As humans, we’re desperate to be part of a pack. It’s in our DNA to have an urge to survive; animal instincts tell us that in order to survive we need to be popular, well liked, and associated with powerful groups. A defense mechanism appears to push us towards these currents.
We all know the kinds of people who enjoy (I mean really enjoy) talking about others behind their backs. It’s like an addiction—no matter the situation there is always an opportunity to roll their eyes, speak negatively or backstab someone then pressure you to do the same. Stand back and listen for a sec…
You’ll see that in most cases it’s an attempt to shed light off of their own insecurity. People like this love talking about others because it’s another second the world isn’t talking about them. But even more so they love to manipulate our thoughts to maneuver them into believing they’re something they’re not.
As someone who doesn’t enjoy talking about people behind their backs, I feel pressure to talk about myself constantly because it’s a major way to convince myself everything is okay. I don’t know it at the time, however, but nearly every time I leave a conversation I tell myself, “Wow. You talked about nothing but yourself.” Why?
The truth is when you know how valuable you are, there is no need to talk about yourself all the time. There are no layers of masks—what you see is what you get.
There is so much pressure to treat our lives like a used car, and we the salesman. I can’t help but wonder how many gay guys out there are selling us a lie. Do they really know so-and-so person? Are they truly as happy as their Instagram photos? It all seems to be a show.
We don’t need to sell a mock up version of us. It’s interesting what happens when we stop talking about ourselves and start acting like ourselves: an authentic wave of positivity lifts us higher to a new insight, an awareness that becomes infectious.
You don’t need to talk highly of yourself to get people to like you. Instead, be the person you want to be through action, compassion and love. Then the world will do the talking for you.