Stop Assuming I’ll Have Sex With You

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gay guys don't assume sleep together

Stop assuming I’m a slut just because you might be.

I hate to say it, but it’s not just straight people who have a misconception on the gay community. Whether we created it ourselves or not isn’t important, but the idea that promiscuity is synonymous with being gay has poisoned the mainstream consciousness for decades, and it’s time to stop.

As a single gay guy I see it every day.

Most guys think about sex and I’m no exception, of course. Yes I’ve had casual hookups in the past like the majority of young Americans, but that doesn’t mean I’m slutty. The definition of the word has changed dramatically in the last several years.

A slut is defined as a person with many casual sex partners, or someone whose sexual morals are loose. Slutty behavior has become associated with gay culture through multiple facets of brainwashing. It’s become an unspoken act suggesting that we’re always looking for a sexual partner.

Having many sexual partners throughout your life doesn’t make you a slut. It makes you sexually active. But slutty behavior is different: it’s continuous, never-ending and never truly satisfactory until we get the result we want.

Behavior is a lifestyle, and yes I’d be lying if I said I didn’t know plenty of gay guys who do choose to live what the world might call a slutty lifestyle. But not every gay man you meet lives in the same bubble.

The culture as a whole doesn’t seem to help. Grindr, Tinder and other ways of hooking up have become ritualistic—an everyday habit. With so many opportunities for casual sex it’s no wonder we’ve begun to assume that it’s always on our minds.

I don’t judge anyone for what they do, which is why I don’t expect people to judge me. I’ve had Grindr—I know what it is and why it’s there, and I fully appreciate those looking for a quickie. But I would never, ever, call them sluts. I would never slut-shame them or make them feel inadequate, which is why I will never tolerate guys who do it to me for no reason.

No one should paint a brush over my entire community. The word “slut” is toxic and poisonous. Though certain people embrace the word and have tried to take ownership of it, the residue it leaves behind travels further than just one person.

Promiscuity has always been a part of the gay community because gay sex has been underground and hush-hush. But the stigma of that time is gone now, so why not get rid of the notion that we’re always looking to sneak away with strangers into the bush?

These misconceptions bleed deep within our minds and we’ve started to become our own victims. A smile is not a sexual advance, a gentle touch of the shoulder doesn’t mean I’m feeling your bicep, and a simple hug isn’t insinuating a d*ck graze.

Sex is fluid by it’s very nature, and we’re always going to want it. But it doesn’t mean we want it from you 24/7. The more we believe this the harder it will be to connect with each other, and that’s what we all really want at the end of the day: authentic connection, which isn’t found online.

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