Why Gay Guys Should Stop Obsessing Over Love & Marriage


gay guys and gay marriage pressure

With so much hoopla about gay marriage it’s easy to redirect our lives towards finding love. We want so badly to be the couple holding hands on the cover of the Post. Dreams of a picket fence, the family dog, and two adopted children eventually construct what it means to live happily ever after. I admit. It’s very appealing, but it’s dangerous territory.

If there’s one thing that’s true about the universe, it’s that our focus is like a magnet. The things we think, feel, concentrate, and obsess over make us blind sighted to data and facts. We’re attracted to anything that will seemingly take us to the “dream.” Meanwhile, we’re not paying attention to our present path.

Imagine being in a race in the middle of the woods. About half way through, you notice a short cut in the brush. No one is around you and you’ll easily be unspotted if you take the opportunity. Do you do it? What if the ground was full of hot pokers, or sharp pine cones, or poison ivy? Chances are you won’t even notice because your focus is on the finish line. Not till you reach your destination will you see the damage. This is how gay guys are beginning to view marriage.

We’re concentrating too much on the goal (“marriage and family”) when we should be focusing on the journey at hand. We’ve set our attention to marriage mode and blocked out anything else. Before we know it, we’re rushing into relationships and commitments that present more danger for us in the long run.

For decades the idea of marriage wasn’t a reality. It wasn’t something you thought possible in the ‘70s and ‘80s, but now that it’s here – really here – there’s an idea that we have to catch up. Because we can, we feel like we have to. We owe it to ourselves. Gay guys who never even considered getting married are dreaming of the picket fence. It’s a tempting idea. We’ve become like little girls planning our wedding.

Love is one of the greatest gifts we can ever give and receive, but we mustn’t forget the greatest love of all – the one we give to ourselves. If you’re spending so much time focusing on future plans, pipe dreams, or wishes on a star, there’s no question you are ignoring the only thing that matters. The journey.

Every step we take today builds the foundation on which we stand tomorrow. If we’re too focused on tomorrow, we’ll be too lazy to build today. For our own sake it’s time to get our head out of the clouds and our feet on the ground. Love and marriage are waiting for you at the end of the race, but only for those who choose to run the whole distance.


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