I’ve been in love with countless of straight guys in my life—they all broke my heart, obviously. I was young and new to the experience. Now that I’m older I often wonder how many straight guys have been in love with me.
When I say love I don’t mean sexual attraction. I mean real love—the kind we see in movies: emotional, head over heels, romantic, sensually stimulating kind of love. Can this type of emotion exist among straight and gay males?
Personally I think it can, but too often society doesn’t know what to call it. Falling in love with a person has nothing to do with sexual feelings. It’s a heart-to-heart, soulful experience, but as guys we associate the two. We don’t know how to describe it otherwise.
Men don’t have the same contact rules as women do. We’re often afraid to show any kind of close connection with another guy—even gay guys. In my experience it’s because we always assume the other will think we fancy them, so instead of risking it we’d rather keep a safe distance.
I see male friendships everywhere and they’re amazing. There is a brotherhood that seems to be tighter than family sometimes, but for whatever reason our culture made it into something else. So when a straight guy starts to have a close bond with a gay man, his first instinct is to shut it off: “Does this mean I’m gay?” he’ll ask himself.
When it comes to love, the whole gay and straight thing doesn’t matter. Love is love no matter where it comes from; and trust me it’s better than having no love at all.
Back in my college days I fell for a straight guy. He was attractive, kind-hearted with a great body, and could hold a conversation for days. He liked me too. We had a solid connection similar to any other relationship—the love was real, but unfortunately there was still a piece missing.
I had to learn that our relationship was never going to be consummated. The love needed much explaining on his part. He didn’t know how to handle it and frankly, neither did I. We weren’t sure what it all meant, but the one thing I did know was that I needed to get over it. Quickly.
Love is something no one can describe. It can happen anywhere, anytime and to anyone—even to straight/gay friendships.
It is heartbreaking when the man you love won’t be able to be yours, but at the same time there is much to say about what comes after the fact. If there is always going to be something missing, any kind of life together will quickly die away.
When you fall in love you always need to ask yourself if it’s worth it. Personally when you’re dealing with a man who is straight (and knows it), there needs to be a serious conversation.
A straight man can definitely fall in love with a gay man. I know firsthand. The question you need to ask yourself is: Is there really a future?