There are scrapbooks full of memories we each carry with our best friends, which, despite our hold, can easily whither away. I know I’m not the only single gay guy with a tendency to focus on my boyfriends whenever I have them. I’ve even surprised myself with the number of men that have acted as friend replacements; each every time I let them push me away, I’ve failed to see the effects.
I’ve also experienced it from the other side of the table. Feeling you’ve been pushed to the side like an unwanted (and unneeded) garnish is never good for your wellbeing, much less the friendship as a whole. You feel f**ked over, like all those years of taking selfies and singing together in your car were easily disposable. The inevitable question becomes “What happens now?” Unfortunately, the only option is to roll with the tides.
Being in the middle of it is never easy. Your quick to point your finger. How could he/she be so blind? How the hell does he/she not realize how they’re treating me? Is it my fault? Did I do this to myself? If that’s the case, then is this “boyfriend” an upgrade? Who the hell am I going to hang out with now? These questions, though seemingly adolescent, are valid things to ask. There’s no point in making yourself feel guilty for what your friend is doing to you, but at the same time, it’s crucial for you to step back and observe things from an outside perspective.
One of best strategies is to take out a pen and paper, and write out particular incidents he/she has done that made you feel neglected, ignored, or singled out. This will take your mind out of the emotional side of things (which is hard to let go of) and focus more towards actual context, i.e. actions and treatment. These things hold up much better than going strictly on emotion. Emotion, though important to acknowledge, can manipulate our opinions in more ways than we think.
We all want to find love. Trust me, I’ve done crazy things in an effort to come close to it. Whenever we find someone who gives us with everything we’ve been searching for, it’s almost a no-brainer to hold onto him as tight as we can. Every new person who enters our life brings more excitement. My grandmother used to say the newest toy in the box gets played with the most, and, like always, she was right.
Just because our best friend has a new boyfriend doesn’t mean they’ve forgotten about you. He is the “new toy” in the box, and who are we to keep them from playing with it? Instead of trying to control the situation by pointing out how it’s affecting us, why not try and be happy for them? We all want our best friend to find love and happiness, but much of that has to do with being free of guilt. The last thing anyone wants is to feel like their best friend is angry or resentful towards him or her and their boyfriend.
Don’t ignore the things you’re feeling. It’s important for your well-being to fully acknowledge the situation so you can face it head on, however, you must always look at it objectively. If there’s one thing all human beings hate, it’s change. We learn to live with it, but if we had the choice we’d much rather continue a set pattern. That being said, is it really your friend that’s causing such angst, or is it the sudden change of priorities you’re faced with? Figure it out, and be your best judge. It will make you much happier in the long run.