Why Bro-Jobs Are Riddled With Internalized Homophobia



When a penis is in your mouth, that’s a blowjob honey. All this talk on the Internet about “bro-jobbing” (i.e. straight guys giving each other oral sex) not only gets me a little hard—not gonna lie—but it also makes me reminiscent of the good old days before Grindr and Craiglist. Back when bro-jobbing was simply called hooking up.

What is about men being scared sh*tless when it comes to homosexuality? Whether it’s “no homo” or “bro-jobs” straight dudes have to find a way to mask intimacy with another man—it’s too gay. They truly believe that changing the label will somehow manage them to keep their own masculine identity. Frankly, it’s a joke and I’m quite sick of it.

This was the kind of crap I saw in high school. Yes I gave my fair share of “bro-jobs” to straight guys (many of which I’ve written about). In high school and college it was kind of fair game because even I was first to label it as anything other than gay.

Back then I didn’t want to be known as the promiscuous gay guy so masking myself as a “straight dude” on the down low who is willing to keep a secret attracted a wide variety of bros I never thought it would. Pretending I was straight and exaggerating my masculinity brought a line of dudes outside my dorm room. I’ve often wondered why until one day it hit me: it’s because guys are petrified of labels.

Straight men have no problem labeling women or gay guys, but never themselves. They have a good deal being on top of the social food chain since the dawn of time, why the hell would they risk a chink in the armor? Internalized homophobia is the name of the game here and it’s so palpable, Helen Keller can spot it from her grave.

Modern humans don’t enjoy being pigeonholed. It limits us and makes everyone believe we’re subjected to a corner. This has been true for everyone, but it resonates deeply in the male experience.

I’ve heard stories from WWII veterans about secret hookups taking place in the barracks. In those days having gay sex didn’t make you gay, it was how you acted afterwards in life and in your daily routine—men who acted gay were queers, faggots; but men who gave blowjobs to their buddies were showing support for their fellow comrades.

Things haven’t changed entirely since the 1940s. Men, both gay and straight, are terrified of becoming homosexual prototypes. Until recently, we didn’t exactly have great representation on TV or film. Unpopular ideas ran in huge supply and it sadly became the baseline for self-reflection.

I’ve fought all my life against such toxic ideas. I’m a feminine male and for decades I tried to fool the world into thinking otherwise because I was brainwashed into believing femininity was cheap. I wanted to be someone of worth. Masculinity on the other hand… now that is something valuable, something I wanted desperately to have because it was what the world associated my manhood towards. I wanted respect from the world and in order to get it, I thought I needed to hide.

Labeling is a fear tactic created by misunderstanding. The world uses fear to influence opinions on ourselves, and for the most part they’re never accurate. Even something as gay as a blowjob is riddled with internalized homophobia that we have to change the name and meaning of the act.

It’s cognitive dissonance: a need to seek consistency between our expectations and reality. We want them to meet desperately, but trust me when I say they never will. We’re going to fight till the day we die rather than surrender to the truth because we all want to be validated from the world, not ourselves.

The sooner we come to terms with our own truth, the happier we’ll be. Till then, a blowjob is still (and always will be) a blow job. I don’t give a crap what you call it.


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