Is It OK To Sleep With Someone Who Has A Boyfriend?


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It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to tell you that infidelity is running amok in today’s culture. Hell, I’ve been guilty plenty of times. But recent circumstance in my life have made me start to question the intention behind gay guys who knowingly sleep with people who have boyfriends.

When someone who I know has a boyfriend asks me to sleep with him, my instant reaction would be to say yes. However, I know there will always be a question on the back of my mind: is this really the right thing to do? The last thing I ever want to be known as is the “mistress.” Lord knows I’ve been called worse, but this is not something to be proud of.

There have been plenty of times when men have invited me back to their place. Once there, the family pictures are enough to make anyone gag. He and his partner holding hands at the park, he and his partner on the ski slopes in Aspen, and worse, the wedding ceremony.

The typical response after I raise concern is usually something like, “Don’t worry, he doesn’t care” or “He’s out of town, he’ll never know” or “It’s not a big deal, we’re breaking up soon anyway.” What do these guys take me for, some man who goes around causing friction in relationships? Listen. I love sex just as much as the next man, but not at so much a price.

The guilt alone is enough to make me second question myself. But here’s where it gets interesting: what if he’s right? What if his boyfriend, in fact, doesn’t care? Who am I to push my own belief system in his face? When it comes down to it, the person you should really be concerned about isn’t you nor him, but the boyfriend in question.

How would you feel if your man was sleeping with someone else? Would you not care as long as he’s upfront about it, or will it completely kill your trust in him? There’s so many questions that are tied to this kind of situation that we usually drive ourselves crazy with paranoia.

Above all things, the real focus should always be your well-being. If a gut feeling is telling you not to do it, and you do it anyway, you’re going to have live with the aftermath of such a decision. If the boyfriend finds out, not only will he nearly always attempt to track you down, but the man you slept with is most likely to say that you instigated it in an attempt to take the spotlight off him as much as possible.

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it is something you’re willing to be okay with tomorrow morning. We are all in control of our decisions, and we all have different limits when it comes to infidelity. Just know one thing: karma is a bitch.


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