Sex is one of the most intriguing parts of a committed relationship. Two minds, bodies and souls connecting in such a vulnerable way increase not only the excitement, but the ever-growing trust which is crucial in everyone. But why is it when we think of sex with gay guys, we assume penetration must be involved?
I spoke with 6 gay couples who I knew had fantastic sex lives – they’re always touching, kissing, and whispering erotic things in each others ear. After asking them how often they had penetration, most of them said it’s not on their “must do” list. The majority of them claim they had it much more frequently when their relationship was new, and over time, it became less important.
The general consensus was about 50 – 60% of the time each of these couples had sex, they did NOT have penetration. Though it is a pretty good amount, there is still a lot of non-penetration happening which makes me wonder, how important is it?
Don’t get me wrong. Penetration is fabulous and there are many fantasies tied to it, especially with single men. Hook up apps like Grindr and Scruff are filled with those men seeking only penetration, well, at least a good majority of them. But there’s a flip side to it. Though it is the most intense form of sex, penetration can also be the most unemotional form as well, especially when you are just looking to get off.
In a successful relationship, penetration takes on a different meaning than it used to with gay guys. Of course every couple is different in that there are some who need penetration to satisfy their urges, while others would rather have a sensual experience with penetration not being a top priority.
Top, Bottom, Power Bottom, Versatile and all the other labels we put on ourselves have everything to do with penetration. It’s always in the back of our minds, and more often than not we make important decisions based on these sexual roles. Some men just won’t feel satisfied unless they’re in someone’s body.
Whether penetration happens or not, the real issue here is what lies behind the friction. That is the definitive moment which distinguishes sex, making love, and downright getting nasty. If a couple is in love and all they want to do is express it, then it makes sense why penetration wouldn’t be on top of their to-do list. If someone is Grinding or crawling the bars looking to get off with the first gay guy that shows attention, penetration might be the only thing on their mind.
I’m sure couples who have less interest in 24/7 penetration will tell you the level of intimacy doesn’t depend on the depth of one’s penis inside his partner. It’s true that we’re men, and it’s in men’s bodies to hump like his life depends on it, but the truth is, what we really want is connection. Do gay guys need penetration to have it?