For the longest time I expected chemistry with every boy I met. I would like them so much that my imagination took over. Over time I assumed he’d come around because, after all, how can something that felt so right end up being wrong?
When you like someone it’s hard not to get blinded by it. You wait hours for them to text you back, they don’t. You try and force chemistry when deep down you know there is none. You get disappointed when he doesn’t seem as excited to see you as you are with him. All the while you’re trying to convince yourself he really does like you. Well guess what… he probably doesn’t.
How do I know he doesn’t like you?
Because when someone is into you, you won’t question it. Ever. It will be very clear.
I’ve been on all sides of the equation here. I’ve dated guys I completely fell mad for, but deep down knew they didn’t feel the same magic – I beat myself up over it and drove myself crazy nearly every time. I’ve also dated guys I knew without a doubt were so into me, but the feeling wasn’t the same on my end – I tried to distance myself from him slowly but surely.
Distancing yourself is THE major reaction all of us do when we aren’t into a guy. We’ve all done it at one point in our lives, but when we sense it happening to us, we turn a blind eye. It’s time to wake up and smell the coffee here: If you are seriously questioning whether or not a guy is into you, he’s probably not.
Don’t let this be a bad thing. After all, don’t you want to spend your energy searching for a man who wants you just as much as you want him? There will be no doubt nor will there be anxiety waiting for him to text you back or validate your existence because you’re thriving on the same level of desire.
It takes courage to see reality in the situation and to step away from it. We don’t want to see the truth so we throw ourselves in such a state of denial that even our friends can’t get us out. Our hearts and spirits are fueled by daydreams and never-ending expectations that it will all work out: “Maybe he’s just busy,” “He’s probably just playing hard to get,” “I remember him saying something about his phone being broken,” or my favorite, “He’s just shy. He needs someone to pull him out of his shell.”
No, No, No, No, No!!
Break away the excuses and look deeper at what it is you’re saying to yourself. He’s just not that into you, darling. And you know what? That’s okay! Not everyone you like is going to like you back, but you’d be a fool to hang onto dear life with hopes of changing it.
You cannot force someone to like you. Sometimes love evolves over time, sure, but things aren’t like how they used to be. As culture, technology, communication and convenience change, so does our thinking. People need instant gratification now. They want answers and refuse to wait because now we don’t have to.
If you don’t have a shared spark, in my opinion you need to start facing the fact that it’s possible he isn’t the man for you. Get through the first, second, and third date. After that is when you’ll be able to tell how he feels.
If a man is interested he’ll tell you not in words, but in his actions. The excitement of new romance is palpable, but so is the awkwardness of lacking chemistry. Use your head and make a grownup decision. Snap out of it!