Just because your friends tell you it’s fine doesn’t make it okay.
I admit that gay guys my age are more inclined to “forgive” their cheating boyfriends because, hey, it’s the twenty-first century—opportunities are everywhere and we all have a been there/done that mentality. We empathize with the idea that our man has Grindr because we ourselves have dabbled around ourselves (or maybe not).
If the Ashley Madison leak taught us anything, it is that even the men we love most can keep secrets from us. I don’t know why but it seems like today’s gay man has stretched beyond comfortable boundaries into a repetitive pattern of forgiveness—or denial.
We don’t want to know that our man could be cheating when he flies away on business (or goes for a stroll in the park) so we try and convince ourselves it’s okay should we ever find out: “He’s a man, I expect it,” “We have an agreement on situations like this,” “So long as he’s not emotionally invested I’m fine with it.”
I’m not saying there aren’t plenty of couples that have agreements on boundaries. Some live perfectly happy lives with mutual understandings that sex is just sex. More power to them! But if you aren’t the type of person to let your man have sex with strangers without your consent, stop trying to pretend like you are.
Hookup apps are everywhere now. It seems that every month we’re introduced to some two-syllable name claiming to be the number one source for sexual encounters near you. Sex is online shopping—swipe, view, purchase. It’s so easy that the temptation becomes stronger. We want to be pleased and satisfied not tomorrow, but now, now, now.
Forgiveness is a big deal. It takes tremendous strength and courage to do it no matter how long you’ve been together as a couple. Your long history together can easily become the ropes keeping you from leaving. The only way to heal the pain is to forgive: you can’t leave him so what else is a guy to do?
I’m all for forgiveness but when you find yourself doing it time and time again, there’s a problem. Major milestones of forgiveness should only happen a handful of times in a relationship—not once or twice a week. At some point there needs to be limitations, otherwise how the hell would you know where the line is?
When you ignore every little thing a man does wrong, you’re telling him it’s okay—it’s okay to not take you seriously, it’s okay to not take your commitment seriously, it’s okay to lie, deny and try to mend broken promises.
Obey your own morals first before you bend them to the will of others, especially your man’s. Self-betrayal is the worst kind there is. The second you do that is when your world turns on its head. You’re worth more than that.
Don’t let the people around you convince you you’re value is any less than what you know it is. You don’t deserve a man who cheats behind your back, keeps secrets from you, or tries to convince you everything is okay when they’re not. Your intuition is much stronger than he is. When you fight against yourself you are slowly being defeated by all that is. Trust me, you don’t want see what comes next.