Expectations are at an all time high now and everyone is struggling to catch up to what we assume they are. We can’t seem to get over the relationships we never truly had to begin with—the ones in our head.
We think love is supposed to look a certain way, feel a certain way, act a certain way, but dare we ask the same thing about sadness or pain or joy?
I’ve been sad many times in my life and not all because of the same thing. I’ve felt joy and pain over countless of scenarios, and rarely think that it has to appear a certain way. Love, above all else, is something we’re desperate to have the “correct” way, but hardly know what that way is.
We have a tiny piece of love and quickly realize it isn’t what we expected. It’s spontaneous, requires a bit of work, it’s unexplainable, unsearchable in any kind of emotional language except the one we have. There are more questions than answers, and part of the journey is trying to find them. But sadly most of us get intimidated and make a fast exit because it isn’t what we thought it would be.
Relationships require building. That’s the whole point. You attach to each other only after choosing to reveal yourself. It takes courage and a lot of vulnerability, which is too high a price to pay for some.
We’ve built a cookie cutter version of the man we deem as “the one” when in reality, “the one” was forced upon us by endless streams of fanciful notions and imagined scenarios. A man any less than “the one” is discarded not because he isn’t great but because we’re too scared to imagine otherwise.
We feel safer in the confines of our head, so we want reality to match. This of course makes it very easy to reject anyone because they aren’t up to par.
Like anything in life, you’re never going to receive something already perfect. All you have to go on is a feeling: how does he make us feel? From there you start to imagine the possibilities, which is a new dream you eventually build. Together.
If you aren’t willing to share your dream, you will never be able to expand it; much less find a man willing to share his.
There are some guys who bring out the worst in each other—I’ve been there, done that. These of course will never last because they become the antithesis of love. But there are incredible lessons to learn here. I did it the hard way.
My ex-boyfriend and I brought out the worst in each other, and it was because he had everything I wanted my “one” to have: great job, great looks, great house, great goals, family man, etc. I convinced myself to love him because it wasn’t happening naturally. We grew to resent each other, and eventually wreck each other. I learned that “the one” requires more than practicality and meeting criteria, but something invisible: a feeling, a sacrifice.
Not everyone we see is perfect, and what is it based on? It’s built on a spectrum we created ourselves, one where “the one” is placed on top. Anyone who lacks these non-negotiables don’t deserve our attention. What I forgot to put on my list, I came to find out, was how he makes me feel. That’s the magic fueling our dream in the first place.
Most people today think they deserve perfection. Perfection has become an excuse to stay secluded from reality, to not take risks and to remain in fear. Relationships come and go, and there are lots of circumstances where it definitely needs to go. But if we do it because he contradicts the fairy tale in our head, we ought to question ourselves.
The fairy tale isn’t real, but prince charming is. He might not appear on a white horse or offer a kingdom or castle, but he will offer himself; and trust me, that’s the real dream.