8 Common Struggles of Bottoming…


struggles of bottoming

Bottoming is hard to do, honey. There is something that needs to be said about what we’re willing to go through. The pleasure is fantastic, but sometimes it takes a while to get there – especially when you’re dealing with issues that get in the way.

We all have barriers that stand between us and our anal pleasure, but we lack the courage to try and fix it. Instead, we use it as an excuse not to bottom. Trust me, you can get through anything once you pinpoint the problem. Let’s start with a few here:


Nothing sucks more than when you really want to bottom but you’re too embarrassed to tell your man you’re in the middle of a hemorrhoid spell. Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. It’s somewhat unknown what causes intense hemorrhoids, though it’s usually pointed to lapses of diarrhea, diet, increased abdominal pressure, genetics and aging. Some guys, sadly, can’t seem to get over them, which makes it nearly impossible for them to bottom due to fear of embarrassment or fear of pain.

You can help these hemorrhoids along, however. The number one way is to avoid constipation at all costs. In other words, stop holding it in all the time. When you need to go, go! Include fruits, veggies, beans, grains, and lots of fiber in your diet. Drink fluids, mainly water. Start exercising more to help the metabolism. Avoid straining while going to the bathroom – one trick you can do is to hold your breath while you’re on the toilet. Trust me, hemorrhoids don’t need to be a chronic problem. They can only be your excuse not to bottom for so long. They too will pass.

2Making an accident on his sheets (or his penis).

Everyone has experienced this situation from either side. This is one of the most common issues guys have with bottoming, at the least at the beginning, and rightly so. The older you get the more you learn not to risk embarrassment when you know you’re not prepared for it. But the thing is preparation is so damn easy I can’t wrap my mind around gay guys who refuse to do it.

It takes ten minutes in the shower, gentlemen. Ten! All you need is an anal douche or ear syringe to help you douche, followed by a check up in the shower that only requires a finger and soap. For more information, read the Do’s & Don’ts of Bottoming. If you’re sick and find yourself going to bathroom every five minutes or something, don’t risk it. If you feel like there’s the slightest chance you’re going to make his room look like a crime scene, DON’T do it. It’s that simple.


If you’re one of those guys who hate bottoming because it hurts, you might consider the fact that your anus is too dry. Our anuses aren’t as talented as the vagina in the lube department, which means we can get really dry sometimes even if we don’t necessarily feel pain. This will cause tissue to tear, allowing bacteria and viruses to enter the bloodstream through those openings.

Always remember to lubricate even if you don’t think you need it. Lube isn’t just for making it easier for penises to penetrate. It’s protecting your precious anal tube from getting ripped and torn to shreds without you knowing – you probably won’t feel the tears – when he’s going to town. Don’t be dumb or stubborn enough to think you don’t need it. Trust me, your insides need the help. With latex condoms, use a water-based lubricant.

4The lack of bottoming experience makes them think they’re bad at sex.

I’ve slept with many guys who weren’t that experienced at bottoming, and you can tell – not because they were bad but because they were so insecure they thought they were bad, which made them nervous. For more reading, check out Tips on Being a Better Bottom.

You have to bring him back to earth. You can’t let him drift away in the clouds to an insecure place without your consent. The more present you are together, the more you’re able to focus on the experience of what’s happening. This will make you both keenly aware of the other’s feelings to the point where it’s impossible to have bad sex because you’re enjoying the experience too much.


Not all guys are going to be dancers, though I wish they were. A lot of the positions we watch in porn spoil us into thinking our man will be able to do it. Trust me, most of the time they won’t because they’re actually made of flesh rather than rubber. Some guys don’t spend all day stretching or doing yoga, though we probably should.

Missionary and doggy require no flexibility whatsoever. Anyone can do those. But to distract you from the lack of legs around your neck, changing up the setting and scenery can be equally as stimulating. Change the room, change the time, change the attitude. This will all eventually ignite more passion and spontaneity, which usually results in trying other things new, i.e. positions, you haven’t done before.

6Incorrect anal shape will always welcome pain.

Believe it or not, we’re all shaped differently. Some guys are shaped perfectly for anal sex, so much so that a penis fits inside their canal like a glove because it bends exactly where it needs to bend. Others aren’t so lucky. Some anal sphincters refuse to loosen up, some tubes are restricted to the shape of your tailbone and aren’t big enough for anything, and some anuses are simply too small. These factors contribute to more pain, which makes a bottom not want to go through it. Read 10 Secrets to Having Pain Free Anal Sex.

You must respect his wishes, after all you aren’t in his shoes. But there are ways you can help him. Think of it in baby steps: use a finger or two very gently at first to get him relaxed and open. Also, experience with various positions: lift his legs, turn them to the side, have him lay in his back, even turn him upside down. Whatever it takes. It’s all about discovering the shape of his tube and finding a way for your penis to fit comfortably. Once you find a position, make it YOURS. 

7Anal Warts, Anal Cancer, & HPV.

Recent studies have shown that anal sex can increase the risk of anal cancer if high strains of HPV are passed. But don’t worry too much. Anal cancer is super rare. If I were you I’d worry more about how HPV can also increase the risk of acquiring anal warts, which are also uncommon.

Get vaccinated! If you’re under the age of 30, getting a Gardasil vaccine will provide protection against HPV strains that cause 90% of gentile wart cases as well as preventing anal cancer. But if you’re too lazy… get tested and be sure you aren’t carrying HPV; if you don’t think you’re partner is negative, better make him wear a damn condom.

8Lack of compassion from the TOP.

Way too many tops are only concerned about f*cking that they fail to remember the man. Sometimes their mind isn’t even with us. All he’s focusing on is when and how fast he can be inside us. Trust me, this will make any bottom very uncomfortable and feel used, which will make him less willing to please you.

While the bottom is getting most of the benefits here, he is also getting much of the pain. When he says no, the top better take it as an answer. More often than not, tops lack compassion in this department. Stop going full throttle without the slightest bit of concern for how it feels. Don’t get me wrong, when I’m screaming in pleasure, you better do it right. But when I’m telling you to stop, you better do that too.