Why Tops Need to Have More Compassion For Bottoms

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tops should have more compassion for bottoms

I came out of the closet a bottom, honey. When I was young I had a lot of fun with sex – probably too much. I’m not saying I’m proud, but I will say I have no regrets. You can tell a lot about a man’s character by the way he treats his sex partner, and trust me the amount of knowledge I’ve gained can fill the whole damn city.

When a top treats me like a blowup doll without my permission, he’s dead to me. I won’t give him the pleasure of allowing myself to continue. He’s cut off not just from the experience, but from my iPhone, Grindr and memory forever. Too many tops out there refuse to acknowledge a bottom as anything other than a hole. They dig too deep into their animalistic tendency of getting “off” that they hardly are here with me.

Bottoms are almost always looked at as a joke, but things are changing. Don’t believe me? Take a look around at our culture – when was the last time you saw a comedian making a joke about a top?

We’ve become the bottom of our own jokes, and I’m okay with it. But has it affected the way tops treat us as well? I’m beginning to feel a need to start advocating for equal treatment: bottoms = tops.

I’ve seen what happens when a man is so horny he can’t think straight. All he wants is for me to pleasure him. He’s blinded by the need to finish that he rarely asks me if I’m doing okay or if I’m in any pain at all. Instead he thinks I enjoy getting pounded like a jack rabbit, getting forced to choke on his d*ck, or being slapped like a dead chicken.


Where’s the compassion out there? Don’t get me wrong. I love getting humiliated sometimes. Hell, I even love to get pounded. But when a top doesn’t ask me what I like and, instead, acts on impulse and does everything his way, I’m done.

There doesn’t need to be an interview beforehand or anything, but at the very least show some respect. We’re not all made of rubber, you know. The last thing I want is to have a bad experience and leave a with sore leg. What did I gain from it? Nothing.

Sex is always going to be better when the bottom is enjoying himself. That’s something all you tops need to understand. I get that you want to be dominate, which I’m all for. But there’s a difference between dominance and rape, and I hate to say it but lots of gay guys out there are beginning to act too rape-like. I’m not okay with this.

If you don’t have compassion for your bottom, he isn’t going to give everything he has to you. He will check out at the beginning and all you’ll have is a pissed off dude rolling his eyes and checking the clock on the wall – you might as well be having sex with your couch. A hole is a hole is a hole, right?

Check in with him. Ask him if he’s comfortable. Listen to his moans and groans: are they pleasurable or do they sound like he’s in pain? Pay attention to what he’s telling you and never ignore them. It might seem like you have the power, but what happens when you punctured something inside or got him so freaked out he decides to leave? You’ll be by yourself.

Be a gentleman (a sexy dirty gentleman, but a gentleman nonetheless). Don’t forget to check in with your bottom and make sure he’s enjoying himself too. No one wants a selfish lover, which is what you’ll be the more you make detachment a pattern. Trust me, if you’ve ever wondered why guys never want to sleep with you more than once, this is probably why.