I love him, I love him, I love him, I love him!
Remember those old Lifetime movies? They typically revolved around an innocent girl who gets sucked into an obsessive relationship with a hot guy. It’s all nice at first, but after a while the dynamic between each other starts getting out of control. Eventually the dude turns into a stalker, breaking into her house, probably killing her dog then ends up going to prison.
My mom used to tell me never to let love turn me crazy, but now that I’m older I can start to see how easy it is. Love makes you blind, literally. The circuit in your brain that sparks love is close to those that spark addiction, fear, and anxiety. Similar areas light up in those who are in love and those who are deemed psychotic. Love can make you crazy and obsessive if you don’t stop yourself. When that fuse is fed, it will become too powerful to control.
It’s hard explaining to someone who’s never been in love what it feels like, you can’t. It’s a feeling. You can’t articulate what it’s like to feel awkward, stressed out, or free. People relate to these emotions because they’ve gone through it themselves. Being in love is no different. The trouble is when it becomes too much to handle.
Don’t be fooled by how good it might feel at the beginning. Though you will enjoy the attention just as much you love giving it, there comes a time when you also need to look at his actions as a judgment of character rather than a sign of devotion.
Every human being needs to be challenged, especially in the love department. We’re animals, and we love to hunt. We need to hunt. It’s how we gain value, self-esteem and personal reward. A man who gives everything to you right from the get go or makes himself available for you at all times will bore you. Not only that, but his adoration will grow if you don’t control it.
You need a man who has his own life, not one who wants to make your life his. If he’s ditching his friends for you, rescheduling important meetings, or turning his plans upside down for one little date, you should stop and think. Some guys might be thrilled about this, but it’s incredibly important to note how he treats his friends. You and he need to have a life outside of your time together at the beginning. In no way should he start depending on you every single day.
You want a boyfriend, not a slave, personal assistant or hired help. A solid foundation can only be set when you mesh your lives together without any sacrifice from either party.
A “Yes” Boyfriend will never make you happy long term. Trust me, I know how hard it can be to say no when you really love someone. But at the end of the day, “NO” can be one of the most powerful words ever spoken. If you’re never mad at your man about something, progress will never be made – this works both ways.
Arguments in relationships are actually healthy. It shows you have a limit. As someone who’s dated a couple “Yes” men in my life, if you want respect you must show your boundaries. Dating someone who never called me out on my bullshit made me a bit anxious. There were plenty of times I needed to hear him say no, but instead I was made to believe I was always right, even though most of the time I knew I wasn’t.
Dating a man with no spine isn’t sexy, but that’s a huge result of someone liking you way too much. He doesn’t want to lose you so he’ll chip off pieces of his dignity in order to keep you in his life. He invests himself too hard before you even have a chance to asses how you feel.
It’s not a good idea to jump in something when he is way ahead of you. The sad part is that in all these relationships, I knew he was going too fast because I’ve been in his shoes before. When a man changes everything about yourself, logic is bent. Common sense is curved against truth and all that exists is a simulated reality.
You know imbalance when you feel it, but just because it feels nice to be wanted, adored, desired, and worshiped like a god doesn’t mean you’re experiencing something great. You need to pay attention to the balance of affection. Remember the Lifetime movies. If you let him become obsessed, he’s probably going to end up killing your dog. Don’t let him kill your dog.