No one said bottoming was easy, but if there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s the misconception that having a penis inside of you is always going to be painful. I’m here to tell you this is far from the truth, honey. When done right, anal sex will never be painful. Sure it might be a bit uncomfortable the first few seconds, but the trick is creating a window of pain that decreases over time.
I’m not ashamed to say I’m an experienced bottom and always look for an opportunity to spread my knowledge. No one likes a messy bottom or, even more so, a bottom who screams in pain rather than ecstasy. It’s time we stop torturing ourselves. There are certain things that are out of our control, but there is a plethora of things which are. Here are a few. Take note, fellas:
#1) The Diet
Stop being paranoid that you’ll be producing more smudge than fudge. The things you eat ultimately effect your waste line. Trust me on this. Here are a few standouts:
- Fiber Intake: You should be receiving up to 40 grams of fiber a day, with lots of water. A lot of bottoms enjoy taking supplements like Konsyl or Fibercon. It makes it much easier. Not only does fiber allow you to leave little residue, but it also keeps everything in one piece which gives you a squeaky clean tunnel with no bacon bits inside.
- Lean Meats: Chicken and turkey are good for you since they are easily digested and typically go straight through the body with no detours along the way. Try to stay away from heavy duty carbohydrates as side orders, at least 6 – 8 hours before you bottom. They tend to stall the process and keep the unprocessed waste inside for a longer period of time.
- No Sodas: They make you gassy, and when you’re bottoming you’re already going to get a bit of air release so you might as well minimize it as best you can.
#2) Kegal Exercises
You know the contracting feeling you get whenever you stop peeing mid-stream? That’s the feeling I’m talking about. You’d be surprised how beneficial kegal exercises can be for your overall sexual experience, especially for bottoms.
Contract/Release 10 – 15 times, 3 – 5 times a day. Gradually allow it to increase in number each day or week. Start doing them when you masturbate and even in multiple positions. Eventually you’ll give yourself conscious control over your sphincter muscles, both inside and outside, allowing you to relax the anus on command and control early ejaculation.
#3) Douche With An Ear Syringe
I have to admit, I’m a big fan of douches and shower enemas, despite the obvious danger. There have been tons of stories I’ve heard from gay guys who ruptured the wall inside their anus by forcing it to roughly or accidentally making the water pressure too high. When a friend recommended I try an ear syringe, I never went back.
An ear syringe is basically a mini-douche. You can find it in your local drug store and it holds about half the size of water that regular douches may carry. Fill it up with warm water, lube the end, and douche like normal. You have less worry about ruptures or water pressure, and less probability of feeling bloated since there is minimal water involved.
#4) Find The Shape.
We’re all shaped differently, but we all have one thing in common. Our rectum is an “S” curved shape. The more curve it has the more pain we’ll experience, so the threshold of pain is going to be different for everybody. What might work for your partner might not work for you, but there’s one thing you have control over: your position.
Positions which create a nice angle will straight out the “S” shape and elongate it, creating a better tunnel for the penis to slide in and out of. Doggy style is a good position for this as well as straddling on top, which is my personal fave.
A flexible dildo might be a good purchase for you while you’re still trying to discover the shape of your rectum. Pillows also add a nice to touch. Put them underneath your butt and you will be able to manipulate the shape while lying on your back. Find the shape and find the tunnel. These are crucial to having pain free anal sex.
#5) Lube That A@@!
I cannot emphasize this enough. Even though your anus can expand, it’s still being penetrated by a penis which can be up to 8 inches long for some guys. Water based lube is necessary and it’s not an option. Though I’ve met a lot of guys who prefer spit due to lube’s ability to make things more wet and uncomfortable during the clean up, it’s still the best way to minimize the pain.
#6) Relaxing Techniques
I know you’ve heard this before, but it’s always worth repeating. Relaxation is key to having pain free sex. As far as mentally relaxing, that’s all on you honey. Either trust your top or get over whatever stigma you have and give in. When it comes to physically relaxing, there are a few tricks I can help you with:
- Squeeze/Release Right Before Penetration: Take a deep breath in, squeezing and tightening your rectum as if you’re pinching a penny. Then exhale slowly, relaxing your sphincter and allowing it much more leverage for the penis to enter. As soon as you release, the sphincter relaxes instantly. Use this window to slide it in with minimal tension. Those kegal exercises will come in handy again.
- Practice Yoga & Breathing: These will help you disconnect your brain from your body in some ways, allowing you to focus on what you need to focus while letting your body do what it needs to do.
- Over the Counter Help: Though completely up to you, there has been much praise over sex drugs like Poppers. They instantly relax the sphincter and gives you a 1 to 2 minute window of a head rush. Since it increases the blood flow to your brain and heart, if you have heart problems it’s not recommended. But as of yet, there have been no serious aftermaths relating to poppers.
- Pheromone-scented Lube: This is my little secret. I’m sure you’ve seen the typical flavors, i.e. cherry, but pheromone lube not only makes the entire room smell sexy, it also gives me a completely satisfying experience. I’ve even felt a high similar to what poppers gives me, only it was completely guilt-free and lasted much longer. The best part is you can rub it all over each other and let your body heat stimulate the chemicals inside, allowing it to release into the air.
#7) Direct the Penis
Once you’ve done #4 and gotten to know your shape, you’ve probably discovered which direction a penis needs to go to follow the tunnel to paradise. You don’t want it to hit the walls, but go straight through. Typically it’s best to point it up towards the naval.
I like to straddle my man first, this elongates my shape which gives me more ability to direct him where I need him to go. This is your opportunity to take control. Once it’s in the place you need to go, you’ll find the pain completely disappear because it’s exactly where it should be.
#8) Don’t Worry – You’re NOT Going To S**t On Him
So many guys are worried they’ll make an accident on their top that they clinch up in an effort to stop it. This only makes more tension which creates more pain. Listen up, if you’ve cleaned properly, douched properly, and even double checked with your finger in the shower, it’s clear that you’re empty inside. A wide misconception is that your rectum holds waste – it doesn’t. It only makes it’s way there when it’s getting ready to defecate. So stop worrying!
The reason why it feels like you need to go to the bathroom is because of the sensors in our body which tell us we’re “full.” Because it’s similar to the other feeling, we trick ourselves into thinking we’re about to go number 2. Your rectum isn’t full of waste, it’s full with your partner’s penis. Don’t let this feeling make you anxious or worried. There’s nothing in your rectum remember? Relax and enjoy. The feeling won’t last long.
#9) Rub Yourself
The more you rub yourself (penis, balls, and the space between them) the more you’ll unconsciously drive his penis towards that area, which is where your g-spot is. When his penis stimulates it, it’s like roaring the engine to an orgasm. Because the prostate is where our semen is created and shot out from, our body can maintain itself on the edge of climax for a longer period of time. This drives us wild. It’s also how we’re able to have anal orgasms. Don’t let this pass you by, honey.
#10) You Control Your Body
Don’t forget. You are in control of your body and what happens to it. When you are having painful sex, that’s never a good sign. Anal sex should never be painful if you’re doing it right. Diet, practice and select tools all help in creating the best experience possible, and guess what, they’re all in your control. Your body only does what it tells you to do. You’re the keeper and commander of it so you might as well gear it towards the most comfortable direction.