When you’re a single gay guy, it seems like all you have are your hands – one down your pants and the other on the computer screen. But over time we realize sex is an urge our hands don’t seem to fully satisfy. We’re getting the friction without the emotional attachment.
“Sex” by the single gay man’s definition is masturbation. When I was in high school and my hormones were raging faster than ever, all I wanted to do was masturbate. Sex with another person seemed scary, at least at the time. When Grindr and other hookup apps became available, ironically, it switched. Sex was the primary option while masturbation became something of the past.
I’ve hooked up with guys on Grindr who were totally transfixed with having emotional sex. Personally I find it incredibly hard to be emotional with a guy I’ve known for two minutes, but in most cases it’s this type of sex they want. As our bodies start to grind, I can smell the need for him to connect which makes me think: is our hand truly enough for us?
To single gay guys, sex has a different meaning. When you don’t have a partner to get hot and heavy with, the options are limited. That pesty testosterone doesn’t seem to help us in that regard. Our hand replace our boyfriend and over time it can get old, fast. That or it might eventually keep us padded down. Locked safely in the confines of our bedroom and computer screen.
I’ve found that masturbation and porn are powerful things. They make us too comfortable with being alone. Singleness is both a gift and a curse in that sense. It’s not like we can’t get laid when we want to, it’s not like porn isn’t available at all times of the day, it’s not like they’re won’t be a time where we can’t jerk off, but does it prevent us from putting ourselves out there in the real world?
The primary reason why humans masturbate is for pleasure, but so much of society has taught us that one thing can’t exist without the other. For many gay guys masturbation has become more than just a way to pleasure ourselves, it’s turned into another reminder that we’re, dare I say, single. Our hand can’t kiss us when we want to be kissed, it can’t give us a back rub after sex, it can’t talk to us late in the night. Can this be the cause as to why hookup apps are running amuck in the community? Do our single bodies desperately crave the touch of another?
The primary reason why humans masturbate is pleasure, regardless of relationship status. Obviously it becomes a problem when masturbation takes precedence over sex with your boyfriend, but for us single-folk, it’s our only option. The more we do it, the more it becomes a habit. Wake up, jerk off. Take a shower, jerk off. Take a nap, jerk off. Go to sleep, jerk off.
Never do we consider the fact that, perhaps, we’re relying too much on our hand that we’ve forgotten how to connect with another body. No amount of meaningless sex can remind us of that. I love my hand and all, but I can’t help but wonder if it’s c*ck-blocking us from finding real intimacy. You know, the kind we fantasize about while we’re touching ourselves.