Can a Gay Guy Remain a Top His Entire Life?


be a top your whole life

People like what they like, but if you want to reach your potential, you need to test the waters. If you’re not living on the edge of your comfort zone, you’ll never know what glorious things there are to discover. When it comes to sex, the world seems to think that gay guys are the most experimental out of everyone. Though it might be true for some, I’m beginning to discover that many of us are too stubborn to try anything new.

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Younger guys seem to view bottoming in a whole different way than older ones. When you’re young and naïve to the world of gay sex, it’s normal to think in baby steps. As we get older, we learn that sexual exploration is in the mind. Any kind of entrapment we do with anything, sex included, is because we’re suppressing ourselves. It’s not the world that’s keeping us from pulling down our pants and bending over the kitchen table; it’s us. There is a fear associated with all things new and it’s just a matter of finding the source and detoxing it away from our conscious minds. Older men have done this already and while many still favor one position over another, at least they’ve experienced it from both sides.

What keeps a man from entering new experiences? It’s normal for guys to stay a top long after coming out. A lot of gay men see bottoming as the seal to homosexuality. But the world gives bottoming an unfair image – emasculating, feminine, taboo, and always remains the butt of jokes. I for one have never seen a comedian on stage making fun of a top. It’s always the bottoms getting the short end of the stick. When you’re a kid growing up around these views, coming out can be a scary move because an uneducated straight man’s association for being gay is “taking it up the butt.” The last thing anyone wants is to be turned into a joke. So in a way, staying a top isn’t staying a top. It’s staying a man for as long as possible.

Bottoming does not mean you’re any less of a man. Never let that pigeonhole you or prevent you from doing something you’ve always been interested in trying. Your body is your body and your character is your character. Rarely do they depend on each other to keep one another intact. There’s a lesson to be learned when it comes to top/bottom positions. Even if a man is dead set on remaining a total top till the day he dies, unless he’s bottomed several times himself, he’ll never know what it’s truly like. So how good of a top can he actually be?

I’ve known several couples that are perfect for each other not just in life, but in the bedroom as well. The top + bottom pairing creates less nerves about what to expect when the lights go out. Some might argue it the secret to a long-lasting relationship. (that, and separate bathrooms). But despite their compatibility, every now and then they switch roles on occasion to spice things up. Their roles are pretty solidified, but at least the option is there. Nothing sucks more than having a man you’re in love with reject sexual advances due to a lack of interest.

Sex doesn’t have to be vanilla if you don’t want it to be. The world has absolutely no place in our bedroom, but unfortunately there are countless of men who bring them in. Misconceptions and prejudice already rule the gambit of our lives, but I’ll be damned if they become the rulers of my sex life. That’s something I’m not willing to compromise, and neither should you. I say, experience life to the fullest. Never reject something out of fear. You might surprise yourself.

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