There has been a serious debate about the definition of sexy. Like most people I think confidence is one of the best qualities a man can have, but there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. As much I love to sleep with a man who has high esteem, I hate sleeping with a pompous prick. Sadly for most gay guys however, gaining the appreciation of the latter type of personality makes them feel more important.
I’ve noticed a trend among my friends. He who claims to know it all, pretends he knows what he’s doing and considers himself higher than the group is usually listened to the most. Therefore, he has power which bleeds into sex appeal. Do these type of men sit on the higher end of the sexual food chain?
Demanding personalities are seldom fought with by people who hate to rock the boat. Most of us don’t want to have drama in our lives and because we know we’re welcoming an argument by speaking our minds, it’s hard to imagine a compromise. An arrogant personality in a circle of friends turns into a dictatorship real fast. In my experience it happens directly under the nose and before you know it, you’ve gotten a new Queen Bee.
Despite the bad qualities an arrogant person might have, gaining their “approval” seems more valuable than gaining someone else’s. So many people nowadays have a people-pleasing complex and won’t rest until the majority of people they’re around like them. As soon as someone sends that kind of message we’re quick to try and gain their affection. In doing so, we unintentionally grow an unusual form of loyalty to the person which bleeds into affection.
In the gay community, we have our fair share of arrogant people. Whatever words we use to describe them – pretentious, ego-centric, attention whores – they all share a common arrogant trait: they gain their self-esteem by the number of minions they collect and disperse. Two arrogant personalities rarely play nice together so the natural balance effect is to create a leader-follower type of scenario where you’re either forced to follow, attempt to knock him out of power or leave the situation altogether.
For most of my straight woman friends, teasing and mocking is one of the biggest turn-ons. I’ve seen straight guys say things worthy of a slap across the face and have it be not only be embraced, but arousing. Though it may work for them, I’ve found the opposite true for gay guys.
There’s obviously a fine line between bullying and playful teasing but when gay people are trying to get to know each other, the last thing they ought to be is pompous. Because we’re men we tend to recognize it as disingenuous, fake or a safe guard used to hide insecurities. Personally I find humility, kindness and a healthy sense of humor three of the biggest turn-ons known to mankind. But for those of us who watch arrogance win over generosity time and time again, can a small bit of it be a good thing?
What’s inside the head of an arrogant person and why do they feel a constant need to prove themselves? Is our need to please complex fueling our obsession to know what makes him tick? When we’re in the presence of such a personality, there are countless of questions going through our heads we get too infatuated by the mystery. Sooner or later we’re submitting to his power, but can it eventually turn to sexual appeal? Judging by the short time frame most gay relationships last, I’d say, yes.