Does Personality Matter In The Gay Community?


personality gay community

I’m not afraid to admit that I judge people on their personality. All it takes is one annoying trait (usually a pretentious one) to get me turned off, especially when I’m on a date. But for the majority of gay men, I find it to be a little different. We have a knack for judging a book by it’s cover, rather than what’s inside. 

Imagine the package: six pack, washboard abs, tall physique, bubble butt, glistening eyes, killer legs. It seems like the perfect man (or stripper). But what if underneath the wrapping is something less attractive. He could be a narcissist, a pretentious douche bag, a judgmental creep, or worse, so dumb you can’t have a conversation with him about anything other than magic markers and post-it notes. But for gay guys, does it really matter?

I like to think so. When I first got off the bus in L.A., I went through a heavy culture shock. Everyone who walked the street (even some of the homeless people) were attractive. I definitely wasn’t in Texas anymore. Every guy was more attractive than the other, and it didn’t take me long to realize that they knew it too.

When you’re a single gay guy in the dating pool, you see your fair share of personalities. Like everything else in the world, satisfaction is subjective. What’s annoying to you might not be annoying to your friend, and vice versa. But in my experience, it goes beyond just compatibility. There are guys who flat-out give you nothing to work with. Just bland, empty, hallow shells… but they have a nice body.

I’ve seen many gay guys who make themselves blind to personalities. As long as the body is nice, nothing else matters. They become eye candy, nothing more. With so many of them around, the “no personality” personality has become contagious. More and more gay guys are turning into silent, attention-seeking zombies. It’s like I’ve entered a really bad extended version of the silent game. Not okay.

It’s become a habit to rely on your body to do the talking. We’ve left personalities on the door mat to be seen as unimportant or unnecessary. He who has the best abs magically is the one with the better personality. We’ve all been guilty of it, and it’s only when we catch ourselves doing it we become more conscious.

I used to do it all the time. If a gorgeous guy walked in the door, I wouldn’t have cared if he was a mute. I convinced myself that everything he’d say was funny or interesting. Oy vey! So much pretending, but I realized something. The more I’d laugh at his jokes, the more he’ll begin to think it’s genuine. Soon he’d start to believe he’s actually funny. After all, I’m sure I wouldn’t be the only one to fake-laugh at his unfunny jokes. I was unintentionally telling him his non-existent personality was okay. I added to the fuel of this poor man’s facade all because I was hypnotized by his body. It was then I realized how easy it was to be visually tricked.

To me, a personality is everything. You can have the idealistic package, but it’s never complete without the personality. The trifecta is body, brain, personality. In this case, one out of three does not suffice.

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