The other day I was on Grindr (because I’m super classy) merely perusing the copious amounts of horny men unbearably close to me in a hunt to ease my boredom. At this moment I was looking for conversation but had no intention of meeting anybody. I was sitting on my couch wearing a NY beanie I stole from my friend Steph and a pair of sweat pants that looked like I stole them off a homeless person. Not exactly sexy or come hither. In the sexual and provocative brady bunch of photos on Grindr I saw an attractive face that led me in to chat. He was a latin boy whose name was Michael and he was smiling in his photo with an eager happiness that told me he was either slightly naïve or slightly insane. Either way, I was lured in. I started the conversation with a simple yet effective:
Hey, what’s up?
His response was quick and harsh. A cyber smack to the nose.
Not into femmes. Thanks dood.
And then, just like that, his profile vanished. I had been blocked. This random rejection gave me a tsunami of mixed emotion. ‘Screw you, Michael.’ I thought slamming down my phone and heading to the freezer to drink my feelings. Blatantly rejected by a boy who couldn’t even spell dude right. And if I was such a ‘femme’ did I really merit being called a dude. Confusion was sharing my vodka tonic with me as I went back into my room. It was fourth grade all over again and my classmate Richy Huchardson was pushing me onto my ass on the blacktop and calling me a girl. What was it about my photo that said I was feminine? My picture didn’t show him how much floral printed shirts I owned or reveal my knowledge about Beyoncé. Was I doomed to a life of being called girly because I occasionally wore cheetah print sweat pants and could sing along to the majority of Avril Lavignes career?
It is so sad how much inner community, homo on homo discrimination happens on the daily. I scrolled through the other men on the app and saw it on almost every profile:
No Blacks, No Asians, No Fatties, Twinks Only, Masc 4 Masc, 8 inches +, No Bottoms, and the list goes on.
For a culture so hungry for acceptance and equality we slaughter each other with limitations and ultimatums. When did we become the ones that discriminate? When did we become the bully?
I understand having a type and aiming for that and I myself am guilty of losing interest when someone does not fit the ideal persona I see myself with in my minds eye. But there are gay guys I’ve seen who harbor this intense hatred for men who act what they deem ‘less than manly.’ What is this scale of masculinity based off of? In the androgynous world we live in what item of clothing or hobby or music genre is the tipping point on a specific gender. I see videos online of straight football players singing along to ‘Call Me Maybe’ and women wrestlers beating the crap out of each other. Does masculinity still have a valid definition?
I have hereby decided that I am going to start following a new bit of advice and I suggest all of you do the same.
TRY IT OUT
When it comes to talking to someone or going on a date just simply try it out. For all you know your perfect mate or new best friend could be right under your nose but just slightly more ‘feminine’ than you think, or slightly shorter, or a different ethnicity than your idea of a prince charming. Don’t just do it for you, but do it for them. It’s as if we spend the first part of our lives being alienated by gay bashers and ignorant people and over zealous religious types only to grow up, turn around, and treat each other that same exact way. We spend all of our time judging books by their cover and then wonder why we have nothing to read. In my opinion, we have plenty of reasons to hate people, don’t let a face value judgment or the way they look be one of them.
Probably not what you want, but yours anyway,